Today's post comes from sweet Sarah of Oh My Soul. Sarah and I are both 'crunchy conservatives' with a shared love for cooking, books, and our faith... AND her husband went to Notre Dame at the same time I did, so we were pretty much meant to be friends. Enjoy her beautiful newlywed advice below.
Congratulations!
You are married. Marriage is pretty awesome, but it’s definitely not all fun and games all the time. Sometimes things get serious. This advice is written
in that spirit of seriousness- but don’t ever forget that for all the weight
and importance and holiness of marriage, one of the best things in life is just
hanging out and goofing off with your spouse. Especially if there’s ice cream
involved.
I
have known my sweetheart since the age of six, but we’ve only been married for
two and a half years so feel free to take my very basic “advice” with a hefty
grain of salt.
My
advice, in any case, is as follows:
-Remember,
first and foremost, that since marriage is a Sacrament—that is, a mystery
designed to bring one closer to God—your primary shared aim as a couple should
be to draw one another deeper in your
Faith.
~Do this by praying together, praying for each other, and praying constantly.
(Attending Mass together doesn’t hurt, but I won’t assume you are both of
Catholic.) (Bonus: it is way harder to stay annoyed at petty things when one is
constantly praying. Really.)
-That
said, let little things go. Just let
‘em go. My expert opinion is that 99.9% of issues aren’t really issues at all.
I’ve learned to ask myself “would I rather be ‘right’ or happy?” The truth is,
it is much more fun to just enjoy time together rather than getting snippety or
letting silly things like dirty dishes turn into a squabble.
-But,
should things devolve into a petty argument, rely on your stellar communication
skills! C’mon, you know the basics. Talk,
don’t yell. Discuss, don’t whine. A
good way to keep the positive communication flowing is to think about how well
you treat strangers/acquaintances/friends. How do you talk to them? How do you
treat them? You’re probably polite and kind and pulled together most of the
time, right? Why should you treat your spouse any differently than you do your
friends? I know it’s all too easy to let the intimacy and day-to-dayness of
marriage make you complacent and careless in your treatment of your spouse and
sometimes you just end up throwing irrational tantrums in front of them.
(Or maybe that’s just me?) But you know what? Tough cookies. This work of
marriage, this vocation you’ve been called to—it’s pretty dang important. It’s
holy and sacrificial and redeeming and worth every special and ordinary effort.
Be real, be human, be yourself, but be
loving and choose your words and actions accordingly.
Okay,
I could go on and on with the advice-giving (and man, am I good at giving advice)—but before I get too
verbose here (too late!) I’ll give you a bottom line. You pray, you communicate
well, you let little things go. You’re awesome… but the most rock solid thing
you can do is place your spouse’s needs above your own. Yeah, I said above your
own. Even when you really really really just want to be selfish. Or even when
it feels like you’re so totally justified in what you think you need. If you both put your spouse’s needs before your
own, you’ve recognized the spirit of servanthood inherent in marriage. Pope
John Paul II said: “to maintain a joyful family requires much from both the
parents and the children. Each member of the family has to become, in a special
way, the servant of the others.” Don’t listen to me, listen to him! Also, in
case you are worried (“but what about
me??”)—you’re both looking out for
the other, so it works out. For every thoughtful thing I’ve done for my
husband, he’s probably more than returned the favor (not that that’s the point,
but I’ll take all the sweet surprise flowers or chocolates I can get! Thanks, dear.)
Now
you have this advice in your pocket! Go forth and be married merried!
It’s a joyful, wild, beautiful ride.
*Disclaimer:
I assume no responsibility for… anything, really. None. Unless all the advice
works out for you, in which case I take full credit and you are welcome.
**Also,
I’ve said nothing of children in this little ditty of mine, mostly because my
advice isn’t meant to be all-encompassing, obviously… but kiddos and openness
to life is vital in any marriage.
**The
end.
I love this! It's so true that it's very hard to stay mad at your husband if you're constantly praying, for him and with him.
ReplyDeleteSuch good advice! Going to Mass together is HUGE. I always think about it during the sign of peace. That is in the Mass as a way of public forgiveness, in a way. It's almost like a last minute examination of conscience for me. As I offer peace to my husband and baby, I think "What am I asking for forgiveness from them for?" as I do it. I also think, "What am I forgiving them for?" Not as a way to remember the things they annoyed me with, but as a way to really let go of them and not dwell on it for another second. That way we can enter into the sacrament of the Eucharist truly in peace as a family.
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