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Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Missing Virginia



This morning my mom called me on my way to work to tell me about an article she read online.

"Your dad sent me this article, and I just loved it! It was so funny, and everything she wrote was so true!"

As she described the article, something clicked into place. I realized I knew the author.

"Mom, did _____ write the article?"

"Yes! She did! How did you know?"

"Mom... I know her. We used to get lunch together back when I lived in DC. She's written a book too..."

As I filled my mom in on the book, my heart twinged a little.

When I lived in Virginia, that sort of thing was commonplace. It seemed like half the people I knew had published a book or several, and the other half had a writing or blogging gig on the side. In DC, all my friends and acquaintances were aware, involved, and intellectually engaged in modern culture.

What a change now that I live in Chicago! Don't get me wrong, I like this city, and I love my friends here (the handful I've met so far). But people here aren't engaged and politically active like my friends in DC were. My parents' friends look at me like I have three heads when I talk about publishing articles, or worse, blogging.

Frank and I chose to move to Chicago because we wanted to live close to extended family when we had children. God made it very clear that he wanted us to live here by providing us both with good jobs very quickly. I do believe that this is where we are meant to be for the long haul.

But oh man, do I miss Virginia sometimes—so much that it hurts.

I miss my amazing friends: Ruth, Colleen, Serena, Meg, Molly, Jackie, Elizabeth, Conor, Lee, Joey, and so many others that I can't begin to name them all. I have met a few great people since moving back to Chicago, but I still feel like I know no one in this city. I would give a lot to meet a few other young couples Frank and I could hang out with.

I miss my old job more than I can say. I was so proud of where I worked and I thrived on the work I was doing. I had close friendships with my co-workers and I believed in the cause I was working for. My new job is great too, but the old one was something really special, and I miss it.

I miss knowing my way around the city. I miss how you could plop me down anywhere in the greater DC metropolitan area and I could find my way home. I don't know Chicago well at all yet, and I get lost pretty much every time I drive somewhere without Frank.

I miss getting together for lunch with women who were my personal heroes, women who have published bestselling books and done work that impacted the world on a grand scale. Those women intimidated me a little bit, but they also inspired me to be like them. Women like that don't seem to live in Chicago.

I miss the perfect plan I had for my future kids' schooling. I was going to send them to my friend Ruth's Catholic Montessori school, and then I was going to send them to an amazing Catholic co-ed high school that was nearby. Here in Chicago, none of the schools seem to be quite what we are looking for, and it gets me worried about the future, even though I know that future is still a long way off.

I miss the DC metro! Can you believe that? I complained about it every day I lived there. But I miss that you could buy tickets with your credit card instead of having to carry cash on you any time you want to take public transportation. I mean, seriously, Chicago??! What is this, the Dark Ages of public transportation?!

I miss the weather in Virginia. It was so much warmer there! I never once had to pull out my giant down coat, in two years of living there, while in Chicago I will need the down coat for months. I miss driving through the rolling hills of the Virginia countryside—one of the most beautiful places in the world.

I could go on and on, but I'll spare you.

Frank and I moved to Chicago, frankly, for ideological reasons. I've read my Wendell Berry and my Front Porch Republic. I believe in "going home," and I share my hero Prof. Deneen's sentiments about leaving Washington.

Even more than ideology, though, I wanted my kids to grow up near family. I grew up far away from my extended family, and I always envied the kids who got to go to school with their cousins and have Sunday dinner at their grandparents'. I dreamed of that for my future family. That was my primary motivation for moving, and I still believe that decision will be worth it.

But in the meantime, Virginia became my home over the two years I lived there. The transition to living in Chicago has been a lot harder than I thought.

I know that someday I will be able to find my way around Chicago. I know that eventually I will have more friends here. I am confident that someday Chicago will feel like home.

But right here, right now, today, Virginia still feels like home, and I'm missing it with all my heart.

14 comments:

  1. Don't lose heart! Give it time. As far as public transit goes you should seriously consider the Chicago Plus Card. You won't ever have to carry cash. ;) Also there is an awesome Catholic college prep high school that I've heard is the best in the city (St. Ignatius on Roosevelt right by Holy Family parish). I will say some prayers for you and I hope Chicago begins to feel like home to you (but I totally understand what you mean about publishing and blogging reactions haha!). Oh also - Chicago is a grid so you will have it down in no time. :)

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    1. Stephanie, thank you so much for your sweet note. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. My sister also mentioned the Chicago card—unfortunately CTA is in the process of switching to this new Ventra card thing, but then the Ventra got recalled, but they are not taking Chicago cards and basically the whole thing is a huge mess. I think once that gets sorted out I will gain a lot more respect for Chicago. :) Thanks for the tips about St. Ignatius and Chicago being a grid. Like you said, I think I just need to give it some time, and eventually I will feel at home here!

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  2. I know this feeling so well (New York instead of DC). I miss it so very much for a lot of the same sorts of reasons you miss DC/VA. I admire your courage to trust in God's plan for you! It will get better!

    On another note, it's very timely of you to mention Virginia because my husband and I are most likely going to relocate to Charlottesville in another few months. We're actually flying there tomorrow to house-shop and then I'm going up to DC to see my parents. So it's encouraging to me to hear you talk so positively about VA (different part of the state, but still!). I wish you were still there and we could meet in person! :)

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  3. It is normal to miss what you were comfortable with. There is so much to see and do around Chicago and the suburbs (Northwest Indiana too!). As you move into a different season of your life, when you have your little ones....you will realize the people you admire are the ones who make the little sacrifices for their children every day!

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. That is a great point about admiring people for small, daily acts of virtue rather than for being famous or writing books. The ladies I knew in DC all had families, too, and were great wives and moms as well as being professionally successful, and I think that's a big part of why I admired them. But you are so right that what matters most is that quiet virtue and unseen self-sacrifice. I am lucky to know some great women here in Chicago who are like that, and I do hope to emulate them too!

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  4. Oh, Tess! I know just what you mean. My heart is aching to get back out to my "home". I am sending you a big hug.

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    1. Thanks, Michelle! I had a feeling you would know just what I mean. :) Former Virginians unite!

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  5. Aww Tess! Virginia misses you too! It's funny how you're missing so many things about here, when I often think about things I miss about Chicago :) You can take public transit more places, cost of living is lower, better restaurants, midwest weather, museums, the lake, it's easier and cheaper to fly just about anywhere from there, etc. But now I have grown to love DC too (I have to admit I'm enjoying our rather temperate autumn-but I will miss the snow!). Navigating Chicago is so easy once you hardwire yourself with the direction of the lake. The city is enormous, though, and that's what can make it difficult...DC seems so tiny and provincial after living there.

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    1. Yes! Tiny and provincial! Exactly! I loved that small-town feel. I definitely miss it in Chicago!

      You bring up some great points about the benefits of living here—stuff I hadn't even thought of like the cheaper flights. Thanks for helping me look on the bright side. :) I know eventually I will like it, I figure I just need to give it time.

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  6. Did you grow up in the Chicago area? Or just your family lives here now? It really is a great place once you get used to it. :p

    As a teenager, I always used to fantasize about living the rest of my life having adventures all around the world. But as I get older, becoming more and more sure of wanting to be married with a family, I've grown to love the idea of having adventures right here in Chicagoland so that I (and any family I may have) could be close to my parents and other family. That's really what matters in the long run anyways!

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    1. Hi M! Yes, I did grow up near Chicago, but my family lives out in the suburbs and I only came into the city pretty rarely. Then I went away for college, so the last time I really lived in Chicago was when I was 17!

      I'm totally with you on the fantasies about traveling the world. I had elaborate plans to live in different European countries and all over the U.S. Then this funny little thing called marriage happened, haha. But like you said, I've come to realize that this is for the best—family is the one thing you can always count on, and at the end of the day relationships are what matter most. I am confident that moving back home was the right decision, but I sure do miss Virginia a lot anyway!

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  7. I can relate so well to this post. Miss you!

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    1. I had a feeling you would know just what I meant. Miss you too, and looking forward to seeing you at New Year's!

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  8. Oh Virginia, how I miss it so! I can empathize with your sentiments, except that I spent my first 22 years there. :)

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