What to read when you’re expecting

So I know I haven't mentioned this... but I'm not the only pregnant woman in my family.

There's another pregnant lady around these parts... and she looks suspiciously like me.

Yes, that's right! My twin sister Lillian is also expecting. And she's due in just three weeks! (Although apparently due dates don't mean much in our family.)

Finding out Lil was pregnant too was one of the best things that's ever happened to me. We are loving going through our pregnancies together. We're both so excited to become aunts as well as mothers, and we can't wait for our babies (who we call "the little twin cousins") to be the best of friends.

You can't imagine how long I've been dying to tell you guys. I've been begging her to let me share the news on here, and she finally gave the OK... just in time for her first guest post!

Lillian's read more books about pregnancy than anyone I know. She's read even more than I have, and that's saying something! So I was thrilled when she agreed to share a list of recommendations for her favorite pregnancy reads. Here are her thoughts on "what to read when you're expecting," and I've added my own thoughts/comments in italics.

What to read when you’re expecting

A Pea in the Pod
This was one of those enormous, helpful one-size-fits-all compendia on pregnancy, labor, birth, and infancy. I’m sure your library carries similar tomes. It’s the kind of book that a super-curious mom-to-be like myself would have loved in the pre-Internet age, but now that I can Google questions like “what is round ligament pain?,” a book like this is a lot less necessary. It provides a nice general overview, but nothing you can’t get elsewhere.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting
This is the big mama of all maternity books, and like A Pea in the Pod provides helpful general advice. I personally love weekly pregnancy updates and enjoyed getting them from several Internet sources throughout my pregnancy. WTEWYE provides those in book form but, again, it’s nothing you can’t get online. I suppose for a total beginner to the topic of labor and birth, this book provides a helpful general guideline, but it’s really not as essential as its “classic” status would suggest. I did find the 2012 movie version to be quite entertaining, however, although I wouldn’t recommend it until you hit month 7 or 8—the pregnancy jokes will be a lot funnier and more relatable when you’re further along.

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth
Embrace your inner earth mama. This hippie classic is great if you want to get psyched for a natural, drug-free birth. The book is filled with personal stories (some of which are graphic) and a few pictures (not for the squeamish) and is also full of zen mamas with uplifting if somewhat sappy birth tales (along the lines of “My baby was born with the sun, as a light mist rose over the mountains and enveloped us with its aura.  We named the baby Whisper”). Ok, that may be an exaggeration, but not by much.  It’s an informative read but the average reader may want to take some of it with a grain of salt.

Note from Tess: I adored Ina May's book and found it fascinating and comprehensively informative. I would rank it as one of my favorite pregnancy books—but I think I'm a lot more of a hippie than Lillian is. 

Your Best Birth
I found this book to be somewhat over-hyped. The author Ricki Lake’s movie, The Business of Being Born, is a cult classic for natural birth proponents, so I expected a more educational read. Instead I found a surprising amount of sappiness—I was literally instructed to “embrace my inner Birth Goddess.” The book argued against having medical interventions in birth, which I found a little disingenuous in a book that styled itself as objective. It also came with the distrust of the medical community that marked—some would say marred—The Business of Being Born. Maybe it’s just because my dad’s a doctor, but I don’t think the medical community is out to get pregnant ladies as much as the authors seemed to think. This book is a nice introduction to natural birth, but it’s not the first book I would recommend.

Note from Tess: Your Best Birth was my single favorite pregnancy book. I thought it gave an awesome introduction to birth in general and natural birth in particular, while still being open-minded and fair to other alternatives. But again, I'm the hippie of the two of us. :)

The Birth Partner
If you read one labor book, READ THIS.  It was my hands-down favorite.  It is aimed at the father-to-be, doula, or labor coach but is so informative and helpful that I recommend it for the expecting mama as well.  Because it is geared towards supporting the laboring mom, this book offers lots of very specific coping mechanisms for every stage of labor, complete with diagrams and illustrations of procedures and positions.  It contains everything you need to know for labor in one book, and then some, including possible emergency scenarios.  Unlike, say, “Your Best Birth,” this book admits that medical emergencies can happen or even that you may voluntarily choose an epidural, and then gives you information and tools to handle anything that childbirth might throw at you.  It is truly objective, highly educational, easy to read, and presents all the possible scenarios in a calm and helpful way.  It is also, in my opinion, the best and only book that your husband or labor coach needs to read. 

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
If you want to read 800 pages on breastfeeding then you—like me—may be a birth nerd.  I actually read through this whole book, cover to cover.  Luckily, that is NOT necessary to gain some wisdom from its exhaustively informative pages.  This book is divided helpfully into sections on various topics of relevance to women in different situations (ex: breastfeeding an infant when you are still breastfeeding a toddler; breastfeeding twins; common breastfeeding problems; etc.) so you can pick and choose which sections you feel you need to read.  It’s really not necessary to read the whole thing, but I think that at least a few of the sections would be helpful to any expecting mom.  If nothing else, this book left me with a warm feeling towards the super-supportive La Leche League community and made me feel comfortable reaching out to LLLI members in my area if I need extra help when I start to breastfeed.

And just for fun, these are my (Tess's) favorites...

Favorite comprehensive "pregnancy bible": The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy

Favorite pregnancy memoir: Great with Child 
This series of letters addresses the worries and fears that attend pregnancy while also celebrating the joy of motherhood. And it was written by a Notre Dame grad, woohoo! More about it here.

Favorite book for pregnancy's spiritual side: A Catholic Mother's Companion to Pregnancy
This book offers such a great sense of sisterhood as it walks you through pregnancy with beautiful prayers and reflections. Thank you to Serena for sending me this awesome one!

Favorite lighthearted pregnancy book: The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy
This tongue-in-cheek memoir is a little silly but a lot of fun, and it definitely helped me feel like I wasn't alone in navigating this crazy pregnancy journey.

Favorite book to encourage prenatal bonding: Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method
I didn't expect this book to contain so much information about "what's going on in there," but I truly loved the ideas for bonding with your preborn baby. Awesome stuff.

Favorite book for your inner control freak: One Year to an Organized Life with Baby
This book sometimes made me freak out about being unprepared, but ultimately I found the ideas and suggestions so helpful. It really was chock-full of useful information.

Wow, I read a LOT this pregnancy! Geez. This is actually just the tip of the iceberg—I also read some other books about topics like breastfeeding and prenatal development—but I'll stop there before this list gets ridiculous.

So, if anyone made it all the way to the end of this post, I would love to know... what was YOUR favorite pregnancy book?

I think I might be losing my mind.

Guess what.

You won't believe it.

I'm still pregnant.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Do you think it's possible to get depressed from waiting for a baby to come? Ever since we passed my due date, I've been a mix of impatient, frustrated and upset. And by "upset" I mean "bursting into tears at the dinner table in front of my entire family." This waiting game is so much harder than I ever anticipated.

We've tried all the things—I mean seriously, ALL the things. Pineapple, labor cookies, raspberry leaf tea, evening primrose oil, walking, jumping jacks, acupressure... I'm probably forgetting some. If a slightly dubious internet source recommends it as a way of inducing labor, odds are good I've given it a shot.

The thing is, I KNEW I was going to go late. My mom had my little brother 10 days past his due date, and almost all of my other siblings at least a week past. I know that first pregnancies tend to go a week late, on average. But now that I'm actually here, with Baby's clothes all nicely washed and put away and the hospital bags packed and the car seat installed and checked and double-checked... I just want this sweet child to COME OUT ALREADY. It drives me crazy that I can't just FORCE my body to do what I want it to.

I don't think I've ever used this many caps in a blog post, ever.

Today is the feast of St. Gianna, who I've always loved, and who is a patron saint of mothers and unborn children. I'm asking begging her intercession that I go into labor today.

Hopefully my next post will contain a happy announcement. But in the meantime, I've convinced myself that my body is actually incapable of going into labor and this baby is NEVER going to come out. So if anyone wants to talk me down from that particular ledge of insanity... I am sure Frank would appreciate not having to deal with it again.

Waitin' on a Baby

Do you know the song Waitin' on a woman? I love that song, always have. I feel like that's my life right now. Waiting on a baby—a baby who seems to have inherited its Cuban mother's genetic predisposition for perpetual lateness.

Right now my social life is an ongoing game of what I call "baby roulette." I'm only making plans a day or two in advance, and every response to an invitation ends with, "I'll be there... as long as I'm not in labor!"

I'm trying to make the most of these days, and I have to say, I am having a lot of fun. Working from home allows for a lot of free time since I'm able to get my projects done very quickly. Wednesday afternoon I went shopping with Giedre and Theresa, and we ended up having the greatest time goofing around the mall together.

Attempts to get a self-portrait

My mom thoughtfully got me a mani-pedi for a baby gift, and I cashed that in yesterday. Genius baby gift for sure. I think every full-term pregnant lady deserves one, preferably with massage included.

That evening was supposed to be my monthly Bible study with some girl friends, but almost everyone had to cancel last minute except Giedre and I. We decided to live large and change the plan to a double date with our menfolk at Eataly.

I told her, "I feel like my life is that song Live like you were dying—I'm trying to pack in every last fun thing I can think of before the baby comes!" In this case, "every fun thing" meant gelato and fancy hot chocolate.

I need to come up with some more bucket list items in case Baby decides not to make an appearance this weekend. Milk and cookies at Heritage? Cupcakes at Magnolia? I'd love suggestions!

Also, why do all my bucket list items involve dessert of some kind? I think maybe the end of Lent has something to do with it...

Meeting Ellie's baby

I expected working from home to be fun and relaxing, but Tuesday was anything but. I couldn't figure out how to access an online server that I needed to complete several work projects, so I found myself stressed out and running late to that afternoon's midwife appointment. I was so frazzled that I forgot to bring some medical charts they'd asked for. By late afternoon, between the unfinished work and the harried appointment, I was a stressed-out hot mess.

In the midst of all this craziness, I remembered that my sweet friend Ellie lives just down the street from my midwives' office. Ellie had her first baby April 11, a beautiful little girl, and she had mentioned that I was welcome to come by and pick up some of their newborn clothes that didn't fit her 10-pound baby. So I decided to stop in "just for five minutes," hold the baby and see how Ellie was doing.

I don't know how this is possible, but even though I went in feeling super stressed, I left Ellie's feeling calmer and happier than I've felt in a long time. There was the most beautiful atmosphere in their apartment—the love and joy around that little one were so nearly tangible that the hushed room felt like a cathedral at Christmas or Easter Vigil Mass. Holding that beautiful little girl made all of my concerns and worries melt away. There is just something about being around a baby that makes clear what is essential and what isn't.

As I held her, I turned to Ellie and said, "I just realized that the next newborn I hold will be my own!" Wow, what an incredible thought.

I'm still not over the happiness of meeting their little one. That sweet baby has this darling trick of crowing like a little bird, instead of crying, when she is upset. She began crowing plaintively after 10 minutes in my arms, so I handed her to her dad, who held her up to face him and began speaking softly to her. Her little eyes and mouth opened wide as she listened, unable to take her eyes off his face. I have heard many times that newborn babies recognize their parents' voices and love to see the faces that go along with them, but I hadn't seen it in action before. It was just as beautiful and awe-inspiring as I had imagined.

I can't wait to fill my own home with that cathedral-like love and joy that a newborn brings, in spite of the crying and sleepless nights. And I can't wait for my baby to meet Ellie's baby—we hope they will be good friends!

9 months

Last night I told Frank I'd officially hit "that point" where I'm just DONE being pregnant.

I'm in the "maxi dress and flip-flops stage"—my feet are too swollen for most of my shoes to be comfortable, and even my maternity dresses are getting tight. So maxi dresses and flip-flops it was all weekend.

Today, though, I managed to get myself dressed in a nice, professional outfit, complete with black blazer and boots, for my last day at work before I start to work from home (until the baby comes). I wanted to make it in today so I could train the temp who's taking my place while I'm on maternity leave.

I'm actually really glad I made it to work today, even though I'm exhausted. If I hadn't, I'd probably be lying on the couch at home, feeling sorry for myself. Instead I feel like a productive member of society. :)

I keep telling Frank, "I don't think I was really pregnant until I was eight months pregnant." Before that, I had almost none of the usual pregnancy symptoms—no vomiting or nausea, lots of energy, very few aches and pains. I felt fine and genuinely enjoyed being pregnant. But when I got to 8 months, a bunch of symptoms hit with a vengeance—swollen feet, headaches and tiredness. I think the Lord in his wisdom designed the eighth month of pregnancy to help prepare husbands for living with newborns. All I've wanted to do for the past two weeks is eat and sleep.

My midwife told me on Thursday that it looks like Baby is around 8 or 8 1/2 pounds now, and "ready to come out any time!" That sent me into a slight panic, because 8 1/2 pounds sounds HUGE, especially if this babe takes its time and keeps growing.

Saturday night, Frank and I had a major false alarm. We were at Vigil Mass when I started feeling regular contractions. After Mass we went to a 24-hour diner with some friends and I ordered hot wings and ate them ALL in an effort to help things along. Sure enough, contractions kept coming. I was so excited and told Frank, "We better pack our hospital bags. I think it's happening tonight!" So when we finally got home around 2:00 am, we ran around the house like chickens with our heads cut off, packing our bags and the baby's bag and getting all the last things in place. Frank even cleaned the bathroom, in a random and adorable fit of nesting. The whole time we were laughing about being such classic first-time parents. We finally went to sleep at 3:00 am, with my final words being, "We'll head to the hospital in the morning."

Well, we woke up on Sunday morning to NO CONTRACTIONS whatsoever. Argh. We went to my parents' house for brunch, and after I told them about our false alarm and the baby's size, my entire family decided to play a fun and exciting new game called "make Tess go into labor."

First my dad led us all on a loooong walk, then my sister Maria talked me into walking up and down the stairs for 20 minutes. Caroline, the one in high school, decided to bake labor cookies and took me to Whole Foods for evening primrose oil and red raspberry leaf tea. We ran into one of my mom's friends at the Whole Foods. "What are you ladies doing here?" she asked sweetly. I replied with a bright smile, "Just picking up some natural remedies to induce labor!" Her response was a polite "Oh!" Afterward I realized that might not have been the most normal thing to tell her.

Caroline packed me a baggie full of 8 cookies to take home. So right now I'm sitting at my desk eating labor cookies and washing them down with raspberry leaf tea.

This looks like normal tea and cookies... but it's NOT.

I'll keep you guys posted.

A lovely baby shower!

Alright, it's Holy Saturday, and I feel like it's ok to turn back to fun/frivolous topics. Like baby showers. :)

There was much debate a few months ago over whether or not I should have a baby shower. I didn't want to have one because my bridal shower was only a year ago, so it seemed too recent since I'd been the center of attention.

But Frank tipped the balance, because he felt really strongly that I should have one. "It's your first baby," he argued. "People don't throw showers for later babies. You should have a shower for this baby and enjoy it!"

When I finally agreed, we encountered a new obstacle: my mom's social calendar. She had a big trip or event planned for every single weekend. It began to look like she wouldn't have a day available until after my due date! Luckily she was able to move some things around and we finally settled on Sunday, April 13, for the party.

I think my mom was born to throw parties, because she is really, really good at it. Any hostess ability I have comes straight from her, and I can only aspire to her level.

We arrived on Sunday to find a table full of delicious hors d'oeuvres (or "snacks on snacks" as I like to say):

Mom proudly showed us her masterpiece—the "baby angel" centerpiece:

My little sister tried to put a paper-towel diaper on it, which cracked me up.

My one request for the shower was that we play a lot of games. I figure everyone loves some good competitive games, especially if you can win prizes. Plus I didn't want the only event to be me opening gifts, because I think that can get boring for everyone else. My mom and sisters did such an awesome job and totally delivered with some really fun activities!

My sister Caroline organized this hilarious game where she interviewed Frank and me before the shower about our expectations for being parents, and then read aloud the answers while everyone guessed who said what. For example, "How many diapers do you expect to change per day?" Frank said 3, I said 1. ;) "Who will be the fun parent?" We each said ourselves! (Frank: "I think you should include that 100% of your family agrees that I will be the fun parent.") "When will baby start walking?" I said 12 or 13 months, Frank said "9 months because it will be an advanced baby." "Advanced baby" cracked me up. That game was really fun and got so many laughs.

My mom passed around a tape measure and had everyone guess how big my belly is, and the winner got a prize. Vanessa (who came all the way from California!!) impressively guessed within half an inch!

There was also a timed pregnancy word search and baby-themed word scramble, again with prizes. Theresa brought these darling little cards for people to fill out notes to the baby and predictions about the gender, name, and weight and height at birth. Frank and I have really enjoyed reading through those since the shower.

I opened gifts, and was completely blown away by the thoughtfulness and generosity of our friends. I can't even begin to list all the beautiful gifts this baby received. A few friends chose gifts especially for Frank as the new dad—he was thrilled to look through those later on! We also really enjoyed the darling packaging some of our clever friends came up with, like Anna's precious "cupcake box," filled with rolled-up onesies and baby socks:

Isn't that the cutest idea? As my Grandma said, "I can tell I'm at a baby shower because every five minutes I hear someone say, 'Awwww!'"

We didn't make Frank attend the shower—instead he had a great time mini golfing with my dad and brother. Do dads/husbands usually attend showers in your family? He did make an appearance at the very end, though—just in time for us to get a photo together, and for the guys to enjoy some cake and ice cream with us.

Finally, Mum crafted these clever party favors, based off an idea she found on Pinterest. She put packages of unpopped popcorn in little boxes that said "Theresa is ready to POP!" and topped each one off with a cupcake.

Those were a huge hit! I tell you, she was born to throw parties.

Despite my initial hesitation, I'm so glad I let Frank talk me into having a shower. I think it helped that we kept the party really small (just family and close friends) and that we played a lot of games. It ended up being a wonderfully fun afternoon.

Last prenatal yoga class!

I was kind of a celebrity at my prenatal yoga class on Tuesday night. It was my official "last class" before my due date.

There were a bunch of new students there, including a girl who isn't due until November! I recognized a girl from my birth class and we exchanged emails, excited to see each other again. Meanwhile everyone gawked at me in excitement and asked a million questions.

"What was the biggest difference you noticed between second and third trimester?" "Have you packed your hospital bag?" "How do you FEEL?"

I smiled and one girl said, "You look really calm!"

"I feel really calm," I said.

Thinking of the infant car seat Frank installed over the weekend and the dresser drawer full of soft infant clothing, I said, "I feel ready." I've definitely come full circle.

Our sweet instructor joined in the excitement. She had us focus on lunges and squats during class—"This is good preparation for labor!" she assured us, looking at me.

"Good luck, Tess! You can do it!" she said after class. "Just remember to stay with your breath during labor. And email me pictures after the baby is here!"

As I left, everyone gathered around to wave and wish me good luck. I left with such a feeling of warmth.

Then I walked down the street to the burger place on the corner. They have a deal with the yoga studio that students can park in their lot for free, so all winter I've been parking my car there and resisting the aroma of their delicious burgers. I promised myself that I could go there for dinner after my last class.

So Frank met me there for an indulgent dinner of burgers and fries, and I told him all about my celebrity stint as the most pregnant lady in prenatal yoga class.

I'm so glad I decided to take that class. The other pregnant ladies and the instructor form such a nice little community, and the yoga has helped me feel great all pregnancy. I hope to take the class again during any future pregnancies.

And now I'm drinking red raspberry leaf tea from Whole Foods, and looking up recipes for labor cookies, and waiting. Just hanging in there. I can't wait to meet this tiny love of my life.

Best photographer in Chicagoland

Do you live in or near Chicago? Do you need a photographer?

May I recommend Giedre?

Inspired by Lindsay's pregnancy photo tradition, I wanted to start the same tradition in our family.

I tell you, it takes some talent to make a woman feel pretty at eight months pregnant! But Giedre is amazing at what she does and she did just that.

Giedre is so much fun to work with. Usually I feel kind of awkward having my photo taken, but she gave us perfectly clear directions and joked around to put us at ease. She even put up with Frank's smart-aleck remarks the whole time. :p

There is something so cool about seeing your friends "at work." Even though Giedre and I have been friends for a while, I'd never seen her in "photographer mode" before. It gave me a whole new respect for her!

Giedre told me these photos are just a "sneak peek," a teaser of what's to come. If this is the sneak peek, I can't even imagine how great the final photos will be! I'm so looking forward to having them around our house and in the baby's photo album.

Thank you so much, Giedre! And again, here is her website. You will love working with her!

Update: I wanted to add this great post by Kathryn, in case anyone is on the fence about getting maternity photos done. Like she says, it's so worth it!

Pregnant on public transportation

Recently I was riding the bus near campus when it was particularly crowded. College students were packed on like sardines, and I was standing in the aisle with many of them.

I clung to the overhead strap for dear life as we wobbled around each corner. I wobbled along with the bus—my pregnancy hormones and new center of gravity have aggravated my already poor balance.

I couldn't help casting a dark glance at the students sitting around me. Tall, healthy, energetic-looking undergrads filled all the seats—even the handicapped ones!—while I wobbled and nearly fell over with each turn.

Just as the bus pulled up to my stop, I heard this automated message play over the vehicle's loudspeaker: "Please give up your seat for handicapped passengers, seniors, and expectant mothers."

Oh, the irony. I resisted the urge to stare pointedly at the seated students as I trundled off the bus.

That afternoon, my friend Laura who lives in NYC sent me a text message. "What's your take on public transportation?" she asked. "I just offered my seat to a super pregnant lady and she turned me down—and that's not the first time."

Ohhhh boy, did I have thoughts on that.

"I would accept it!" I said. "I actually feel a little annoyed if there aren't any empty seats and no one offers me theirs," I added, remembering my experience that morning.

Then I had to admit, "Mayyyybe that's not the right reaction either."

Anyway, the whole exchange got me really intrigued about whether other pregnant women are as eager to accept a seat as I am. Maybe other pregnant ladies have better balance than I do? Or maybe they have more energy? I'm curious to know what your experiences have been with this!

**Update: I want to add a story from this morning—two different students offered me a seat on the bus! I gratefully accepted the closer one, and now I feel bad for giving them a bad rap. Some of them are really gracious, it seems! 

5 solutions to pelvic girdle pain during pregnancy

There are so many things about pregnancy that are truly awesome—everything from feeling that little one move inside you, to wearing cute maternity clothes, to unexpected kind acts from everyone you know.

One thing that is not awesome is getting random aches and pains. Many of my pregnant friends and I have experienced some form of what's called "pelvic girdle pain." After suffering through it for a week or two, I decided to be proactive and start a full-on blitz campaign against the discomfort. Because life is too short for that kind of nonsense, right?

Most of my readers will want to skip right on over this post, except for the handful of you who are pregnant (or may be in the future), so I've put it after the jump.

Office baby shower!

Having a baby just brings out the nicest side of people. I was surprised and incredibly touched when I found out on Monday that my office was planning a little baby shower for me. The party was yesterday afternoon.

The theme was "Mother to Bee" or "What's it gonna Bee?" Take your pick. :) Of course, everyone had to try and guess our baby's sex. The overwhelming majority voted "girl!"

It was a real team effort, with some co-workers providing sandwiches and pasta and others bringing cupcakes and chocolate-covered strawberries. Mmmm. Those chocolate-covered strawberries. I decided Lent could be suspended for the sake of my first baby shower. Baby enjoyed it—he or she kicked up a storm after three of those delicious strawberries. So really I was just being a nice mom. 

My co-workers went above and beyond picking out thoughtful gifts. A glider swing, a Pack 'n' Play, lots of clothing and blankets, some darling toys, pacifiers, baby bath supplies and even Sophie the giraffe! My favorite comment was from one older, unmarried lady who said, "I had so much fun picking out baby things for a change!" They really are the kindest people.

And now I have this sweet little addition to my cubicle for the rest of the week:

 

My co-workers helped me get everything in the car and I brought it all home to show Frank. We are both awed and slightly overwhelmed with gratitude at everyone's generosity! I snapped a picture of our couch after we finished going through everything:

(Don't mind our charming red-on-red color scheme :p )

What a lucky baby this little one is!

Nature on Tap + Maternity photo tips?

Have you heard of How About We? I found out about it from Natalie's fun posts about going on 10 curated dates with her husband.

Her blog inspired me to check out their dates for Chicago, but I never scheduled any because Frank wasn't really into the idea ("We don't need someone else to plan our dates") until one day Giedre mentioned that she also wanted to try How About We, and her fiance Vincas was equally uninterested. Ah-ha! An ally!

So the two of us began conspiring to get the menfolk on a curated date. It took forever to find a day that worked with all of our schedules, and even longer to find a date that all of us wanted to go on, but finally the stars aligned and Tuesday night we found ourselves at the Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum for their fun adults-only event Nature on Tap.

We didn't quite know what to expect, but the evening was a lot of fun. Even Frank, the skeptic, said it was more fun than he expected. We toured the museum exhibits, enjoyed craft beers and hot sandwiches, and competed in an intense game of nature trivia. You know how we love a good trivia night. Frank and Vincas took their trivia very seriously, pausing occasionally to give Giedre and me the stink-eye as we talked through the whole thing. Whoops. Well, we had a lot to catch up on. :)

And we got to visit the butterfly haven!

It was so nice to see a bit of greenery after this long, cold winter. 

This post is definitely not sponsored (I wish!) but if you're looking for some fun date ideas near you, I recommend giving How About We a try. We really liked it, and we hope to use their service again soon!

Also, a quick question for any moms out there. Giedre and I are planning a maternity photo shoot for once the weather gets a bit warmer. I'm extremely excited about it, but also a little nervous! I guess my worry is that I don't want to come across too cheesy, but I still want to capture all the emotions and excitement of this time. If you've done something like that, do you have any tips or recommendations? (I pinned some of my favorite ideas here.)

Of course, working with Giedre, I know there is no need to worry. Frank and I were looking at her portfolio the other day, and he kept saying, "Did she take all these?? Man! She's good!" It cracked me up. I was like, "Yes, you know she's been doing this for years!" :)

Five Favorite Pregnancy Apps

The first thing I did when I found out I was pregnant was download some pregnancy apps.

Well, no. The first thing I did was order a few books about pregnancy on Amazon, because I'm nothing if not over-prepared. But a few days after that, I went a little crazy researching pregnancy apps, and downloaded five of them.

Yes, you read that right. Five! I wanted to test out a few different ones, and I figured I could delete the ones I didn't like later on.

But eight months later, I still have four of the five on my phone. And they're not just taking up space—I use each of them at least a few times a week! Each of them offers something a little different, so I find that each one is useful in its own way.

My main criteria for the apps was that they had to be free. No paying for apps for this girl! Beyond that, each of them offers a range of different resources. Here's a list of my five favorite pregnancy apps, with a short review.

1. Baby Bump app

This is my favorite app because I love that little green tracker at the top. It's been so much fun watching it go from wayyyy over on the left to where it is now. The app includes daily tips, weekly development articles, and a little "photo diary" to fill out week by week. My favorite are the frequent "Just for Dad" tips—they are a great mix of funny and sweet. I often forward them to Frank.

2. Baby Center app

This app was built for the Type A amongst us—every single day comes with a "to do" item to check off. I enjoyed checking off items for the first few weeks, but long ago stopped keeping up with them. But their articles are awesome, and the weekly development updates are my favorites—very informative.

3. What to Expect app

One of my friends said this was her favorite app, but I wasn't as crazy about it. Too many cheesy videos, maybe? But I love the impressive variety of articles they link to every day—including great blog posts!—and the list of "Common Symptoms" for each week. They made me go, "Yes! I'm not the only one!!!"

4. Ovia app

Let's put it this way: if you love celeb gossip and have a fancy, tricked-out nursery planned for your child, you will love this app. (Seriously, they are always linking to celebrity pregnancy stories!) I'm not that kind of person, but I can't resist keeping this app around for one little reason: the "baby hand" feature. You can click to see exactly how big your baby's hand is, week by week.

It's kind of the cutest thing ever. I love looking at that tiny hand, comparing it to mine, and imagining holding it someday!

5. The Bump app

As you can see from the picture, this is your standard pregnancy app, with all the usual features: calendar, weekly development updates, photo diary. This was the first pregnancy app I downloaded, and the only one of the five I've deleted. It's just kind of boring and doesn't offer anything that the other apps don't.

Honorable mentions: Sprout and Pregnancy+ apps

Dang, these two apps are cool. I loved the 3D images of what babies look like at all stages of in-utero development. These two would be my favorites, but the downside? Both of them cost money. They do offer a free trial of several weeks, however, so I'd check them out. And if you're willing to pay for your pregnancy apps (I wasn't), these two should be at the top of your list.

Picking baby names!

Inspired by Grace's post about her naming process

This is kind of a silly post, because Frank and I have already picked names for our baby, and some of you guys already know what those names are (we're the worst with secrets!). But it's still fun to hear your ideas and guesses.

When it comes to naming babies, I have two rules:

 1. No names from the Top Ten list.

I just don't want to use a name that's super common. As one of my friends said, "You want your daughter to be known in her class as Olivia, not 'Olivia B.'"

2. The name has to have a connection (however slight) to a saint.

via

Saints' days are a big deal in my family—like most Hispanics, we treat it like another birthday. I want my kids to get to enjoy that fun part of my heritage.

Beyond those two rules, it's open season. Frank and I have been a bit chagrined to discover that we have pretty different taste in names. I tend to love Spanish and Italian names while he prefers English and Irish. His favorite names in the world—Olivia and Sophia—are both ruled out by Rule #1, while he doesn't like my favorite boy name, Dominic (I mean seriously, how awesome does Dom Barber sound??). We both like names that are classic and old-fashioned but not stuffy. Names that are a little off-the-beaten-path but not odd.

With all this in mind, we compared the handful of names we both liked (and it's a tiny handful), and settled on a boy name and a girl name pretty early in the pregnancy. Of course, we still might change our minds once we meet this little one, but for now we've made up our minds.

How do you pick your baby names? Do you have any rules you follow? Of if you haven't named a baby yet, what names are you saving up for someday when you have a little person to name? Do tell!

Linking up with the always fabulous Team Whitaker

The magic of baby kicks

Matching for Valentine's Day

It is not easy, as I once assumed, to feel a baby kicking in the womb. Babies are unpredictable little creatures and they do as they please, even before they are born.

My pregnancy apps told me I would be able to start feeling the baby move when I was around 18 weeks pregnant. But at 20 weeks, I still hadn't felt any definite movement.

I wasn't too worried but I still made sure to ask my doctor about it at my appointment that week. He explained that I have an anterior placenta—the placenta attached to the front of my womb instead of to the back as happens in most pregnancies. "The placenta is acting as a cushion between you and the baby," he said. "That's why you haven't felt any movement. But don't worry. You will."

Sure enough, that Sunday night I was reading in my living-room rocking chair when I felt a most unfamiliar sensation. It was like little bubbles inside of me, gentle tapping from a small but energetic occupant. It turns out that having a tiny person move around inside you feels exactly the way you'd expect it would.

"Frank!" I exclaimed. "I think I feel the baby moving!"

I sat still, my eyes taking on the far-away look that has become so familiar to my family and friends in recent months, as I listened patiently for something deep inside of me.

Finally I concluded, "It was either that or gas. But I'm pretty sure it was the baby."

Frank thought that was the funniest thing he'd ever heard, but I was excited. A new era in my pregnancy had begun.

After that I began to notice movement more often. I especially noticed it at my little sister's Christmas concert, when the baby didn't stop moving for a second. This little one seems to love hearing people sing.

I wanted Frank to be able to feel the baby too, so I looked up online when people besides the mother would be able to feel movement. Most internet sources said that as soon as the mom can feel the baby kick, other people should be able to, too.

We tried a few times—the classic "Honey, come quick and put your hand right here, the baby's kicking!"—but with no success. Finally, one morning when we were staying at Frank's parents' house in New Jersey, he was able to feel something.

"That's it?" he said in surprise. "That… pulse feeling?"

I nodded, amused at his response and thrilled that someone besides me had felt it. Then I was too excited to go back to sleep, even though it was around 7:00 a.m.

After that I thought it would be easy for him, and anyone else who wanted to, to feel the baby kicking. How wrong I was. Feeling a baby kicking is a lot like fishing. You have to be in the right place at the right time, you have to be very patient, and even then you might come home empty-handed. The baby moves where and when it wants to, and no amount of coaxing or prodding will make it move in a more convenient manner.

Dozens of times I've told Frank, or my mom or sisters or friends, "The baby is moving now!" They come and dutifully put their hand where I tell them, and then the little one decides to kick too gently or kick somewhere else or just stop kicking altogether. We joke that the baby is being ornery, but really it's just being a baby.

The other night I felt a lot of activity, so I encouraged Frank to try and feel it, but he couldn't feel a thing. We've unfortunately gotten used to these attempts being unsuccessful. I sighed as Frank gave up, keeping his arm around me but no longer pressing his hand hopefully against my belly.

Then the baby gave a strong, forceful kick—one of the strongest yet, the kind we jokingly call a "rib cracker"—right into Frank's arm.

He started in surprise. "Was that the baby?!"

"Yes," I said. "He wanted your attention!"*

Frank put back his hand and felt the little one squirm and wriggle under his touch, pushing against the pressure of his father's hand. There was no need for me to direct Frank where to touch or to narrate the baby's actions. Frank could feel everything for himself.

I marveled as the baby pushed his little self against Frank's hand through the pliable wall of my stomach. For the first time they were experiencing each other, getting to know each other, on their own—without need of my help or intervention.

As Frank and the baby had their moment, almost as if I weren't there, I cheered inside. My imagination ran away with me and I thought about how this is just the first of countless moments those two will share over a lifetime. I pictured them having so much fun together, embarking on adventures and having good conversations and just enjoying the heck out of each other's company.

And I was glad that, just this once, our unpredictable little baby decided to kick in the right place at the right time.


*We don't know if the baby is a boy or a girl so we use "he" as a gender-neutral pronoun.

5 Favorites: Pregnancy Edition!

This week I've been gushing to friends and family about some favorite items that have been lifesavers this pregnancy. I thought you might enjoy hearing about them too!

*Note: Male readers may wish to skip this post.

Switching to the midwives

My walk to work most days

 Well folks, I've done it. Last week I switched from my ob/gyn to a midwife practice.

I should start off by saying that these midwives deliver in a hospital, in birthing suites on a traditional labor and delivery ward. They are all registered nurses with extensive medical experience, they can perform minor surgery, and the ob/gyn is on call 24/7 in case of an emergency. The birthing suites are right by the operating rooms. I tell you all that so you don't do like my parents did and freak out. It's going to be very safe for me and baby.

It was honestly a little heartbreaking to leave the ob/gyn practice. The two doctors are these amazing, pro-life, Catholic men. They have 17 kids between them. They are warm and attentive, and I loved every visit with them. On top of that, just about everyone in their office knows my family, from the nurse with whom I went to grade school to the receptionist whose kids are friends with my sisters. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming whenever I came in.

Given that wonderful environment, you may wonder, why on earth did I switch to the midwives?

I started reading about natural birth before I got pregnant... possibly even before I got married. I really loved Ina May Gaskin's book and the movie The Business of Being Born. I continued reading and studying once I found out I was expecting—many thanks to Sarah for recommending another great book, Your Best Birth. I devoured articles like this and birth stories that spoke to the potential for an empowering childbirth. Based on everything I learned, I decided I wanted to try for a natural, intervention-free childbirth. Now, I know these things are always outside our control; every birth plan is subject to uncontrollable circumstances; I know that what matters most is a healthy mom and baby. But I wanted to at least give natural birth a shot.

Given all this background, I decided the best approach would be to visit the hospital where my ob/gyns deliver and see what it was like. Frank and I took a tour back in December. I was the least-pregnant lady there, and after the tour Frank and I stuck around for an extra 45 minutes grilling the nurses. We were those people. But what we learned was really helpful.

The hospital had a lot to recommend it. The nurses encourage the infants' rooming-in and skin-to-skin contact after birth, two things that really matter to me. They also assured me that all the nurses are trained in a bunch of different techniques for natural pain relief. But on the other hand, when I asked about their c-section rate, the nurse said, "Our c-section rate is consistent with the national average; it's around 30%." Urgh. Then I asked, "How many women would you estimate have a completely natural childbirth?" The nurse said, "Well, lots of women go natural, but of course we give them a little narcotic toward the end." "No, no," I said, "I mean completely natural. No drugs at all." The nurse looked confused and said, "Um... maybe 2%? That doesn't happen very often." They also thought it was "cute" and a little amusing that I had a birth plan. Those responses were red flags for me.

So my next step was to set up an appointment with the midwives. I found this midwife practice online, through a simple Google search. They offer free consultation visits, so one evening last week Frank and I went in to chat with them. The midwives offer the option of a water birth, something I'm interested in trying. I asked the midwife we met to explain the policies and philosophy of their practice, and after she was done, Frank and I agreed it was exactly what we were looking for. What really clinched the deal was when I asked her about their patients' c-section rate. "Fewer than 8% of our patients end up getting c-sections," she said. Those numbers say a lot. 8% vs. 30% odds of major surgery? I was sold. The next day I called my insurance company to make the switch.

When I spoke to my insurance company, I learned that they don't allow changes in prenatal health care providers after 27 weeks. Good thing I called just in time! I also found out from the midwife that their practice doesn't always accept patients who come in after 28 weeks; at that point they have a meeting to decide whether they can take on another patient in addition to their existing load. Luckily I made the cut-off for both those things, but they're good to know for the future.

I'm so excited about the switch. I feel incredibly happy, calm and peaceful knowing that I'll be having my baby in an environment that supports what I'm trying to do, and that also has safe back-up options in case things don't go according to plan. As sad as I was to leave my great ob/gyn, this decision wasn't hard at all. Now, as my friends keep reminding me, I will have to let you know how I feel about it all after I actually give birth.

Life snapshot

Here we are, officially in week 27 as of yesterday. Our baby is getting so old! S/he's practically a newborn! (I made that joke to Frank yesterday and he found it less funny than I did.)

When I told my family at dinner last night that we'd hit third trimester, my dad revealed that he's been keeping track of the baby's medical viability outside the womb. "Lung development will be good by now," he said, "but vision would be poor." Having a doctor for a dad is always a hoot. (And reading about Grace's experiences being married to a resident gives me new respect for my parents as young'uns.)

We've been at my parents' for dinner the last two nights because Sunday is our traditional dinner-with-the-family night, which lately has turned into football night (for Frank, Dad and my brother) and get-the-latest-Rainbow-Loom-craft-from-Angela (for Frank and me). The Rainbow Loom craze has hit her hard, especially since she got a loom for Christmas. At least she knows her target audience—she keeps offering us trinkets shaped like wine bottles and wine glasses. We were over there again last night because I had the day off from work (thank you, MLK!) so we took the opportunity to hit up the Ikea near my parents' for baby ideas. We came home with a package of child water glasses, frozen meatballs, and cinnamon buns, but no actual baby supplies.

Lately I've been perfecting my master list of what we actually need for the baby—the theme is "minimalist" since our apartment is about as tiny as the name of this blog implies. One of these days I'm going to share the list on here so all you veteran moms can weigh in. Meanwhile I'll keep subjecting Frank-the-long-suffering to extended monologues on the benefits of travel systems vs. convertible car seats vs. umbrella strollers. Don't get me started on where the baby is going to sleep. Between the bassinet my mom has saved in her basement, reading about the benefits of co-sleeping from my former professor, and helpful relatives who told me their child slept in a laundry basket for his first 6 months and turned out just fine, I really don't know what to think. Is there a single aspect to this baby thing I haven't extensively over-thought? I think not.

Here, I thought you guys might enjoy a "bump photo" as I believe they are called:

This was taken right before I headed out for Chicago's annual March for Life (in warmer clothes, though). I so wish I could be at the big one in DC, reuniting with all my wonderful DC friends, but sadly that whole middle-of-the-week thing killed that plan. I posted a link to this article and video on Facebook with the accompanying message, "Loved this coverage of yesterday's March, especially the video. My baby and I marched on behalf of all the babies who have no one to speak for them. Now more than ever I realize how precious every life is."

It's true. Few things can bring home the horror of abortion more than realizing that my baby, to whom I feel so connected and whom I love so much—AND who is fully viable outside the womb at this point, albeit with probable health issues—could legally be killed if I felt differently than I do. Isn't that the most horrible thing you've ever heard? I can never get used to it, no matter how many times I think about it. I've already written a whole lot on here about participating in protests, so I'll leave it at that for now.

Today I worked from home because of last night's snowstorm that made the roads terrible. This is my third? fourth? snow day this winter (I lose count). Snow days never get old; I love it every time I get to work from home. Normally I take advantage of being home to cook a bunch of stuff (soup, bread) and clean the house, but today was so action-packed at work that I never even got around to making lunch. 

Now I'm waiting for Frank to get home from work so we can meet some new friends for dinner (new friends who are also expecting a baby! Hurray for pregnant friends!). But first I must attend to a veritable Everest of dirty dishes, so I'll leave you here for now. Hope everyone is staying cozy and warm in this polar tundra.

Getting "ready" for Baby

I was waiting around before prenatal yoga class on Saturday when the question came that threw me off guard.

As a young first-time mom, prenatal yoga classes are way outside my budget, but I planned ahead and asked my parents for a membership for Christmas. This was my first class and I'd been looking forward to it for weeks—not just for the health and relaxation benefits, but for the opportunity to meet other new moms. I don't know many other pregnant women in Chicago, and I would love the chance to talk about changing bodies and labor plans with someone walking the same road.

I made sure to arrive early, and after getting signed in, I bounced eagerly to the waiting area with a smile on my face. Operation Making Friends was about to begin. I greeted some of the other waiting women and broke the ice with the obvious question: "So, when are you due?"

"June," said one lady. "June," added another. "July," said the third. "What about you?"

"Oh wow," I said, marveling at this bunch of early birds. "I'm due in April, actually... late April."

"April?" one lady said. "That's really soon!"

"I guess so," I said.

"So you must be totally ready, huh?" the lady continued.

"Um..."

I pictured my collection of baby gear, which currently consists of three infant White Sox jerseys, a fuzzy blanket, and a stuffed giraffe, all Christmas gifts from family.

"Not exactly," I said. "I'm planning to start collecting everything in February."

Just then the instructor called, "Ladies, time for class to begin!" so our conversation ended.

The class lived up to everything I had hoped—it was relaxing yet challenging, and I could feel my muscles straining with each pose. The next day I felt sore in that awesome post-workout way. I especially enjoyed the pro-life undertone to the class, however unintended; each time the instructor urged us to "Send peaceful energy and warm thoughts to your baby," I smiled as I touched my belly and thought about the beloved little person within.

But after I came home, I found myself unsettled. I couldn't get that lady's question out of my head. Should I be ready? Was I a bad mom for not being ready? Is it even possible to be ready for something as life-changing as your first child?

Surely I couldn't be the only mom out there waiting until the third trimester to start buying baby stuff. I decided to get back-up from a long-distance pregnant friend.

"Have you started buying baby stuff?" I texted her.

"Yep, we bought the stroller, car seat, bassinet and a sling carrier back in October," she said.

Hang on a second. This girl is due a month after me. How did she already have all that??

If I felt bad before, I felt worse now. Even my friend, who shares my happy-go-lucky, make-it-up-as-you-go-along approach to life, was more ready than I was.

Of course I did the only logical thing at that point, which was to obsessively Google baby essentials and stroller comparison charts. I had been working on my "Stuff Baby Needs" list since I found out I was pregnant, but I hadn't felt the need to buy anything yet. Now it suddenly seemed incredibly urgent.

I spent so long agonizing over which sling carrier and car seat and breast pump would be best that I couldn't fall asleep that night. Visions of Bugaboo contraptions and cloth diaper detergents danced in my head, and I found myself agonizing, How on earth are we going to afford all this? Our budget has barely an inch of wiggle room these days, and baby stuff ain't cheap. It was hours before I could calm myself down enough to fall asleep.

Baby gear was still on my mind at work yesterday as I headed out to lunch with a lovely Mormon co-worker. She has a one-year-old baby girl and I had asked her to meet for lunch so I could pick her brain about all things birth and baby—my favorite topics these days.

But when I arrived at her home near campus, I was in for a surprise. After chatting for a few minutes, she said, "Ok, are you ready to see the baby stuff?"

"Sure," I said. She had previously mentioned that I could borrow some of her daughter's old infant things, so I figured she had a handful of tucked-away outfits or toys to show me.

She led me to a big storage closet and I paused in the doorway to gaze at the bounty within.

"You'll definitely want the stroller—it's good for infants to about a year old," she said. "There's the infant car seat, and here are all the cloth diapers"—she pulled out the biggest plastic bag I'd ever seen, filled with an enormous stash. "Let's see, what else… we have about a million swaddle blankets"—she gestured at another bag—"and here's the breast pump. You're ok with a used one, right?"

"Yes!" I nodded vigorously. I could hardly believe my eyes and ears.

"Ok! Now, I did find the nursing covers useful—they're over there—and here are my sling carriers." She pulled out a Moby wrap and showed me how to use it. She made it look so easy. "There's the baby bath tub—that will come in handy. My baby loved to take a bath before bed." She showed me the bouncy seat and Boppy pillow and baby swing, and I wondered if she was secretly my fairy godmother.

"You can take anything you want," she said. "Just pass it on to the next mom when you're done."

It seemed almost too good to be true. "This is an answer to prayer," I told her honestly, and she smiled in understanding.

"Just ask people to give you everything used," she said. "You'll get tons of stuff and you won't feel bad about passing it to another mom when you're done."

As I walked back to work half an hour later, clutching her "favorite" pregnancy book and a maternity dress she'd lent me, and with plans to return with my car for the rest of the stuff, I realized a great weight had been lifted off my mind. No longer did I need to compare baby gear and agonizingly decide what I would actually need. All of it was being given to me, free of charge—just about every item I'd included on my list.

I texted Frank the exciting news—all our baby gear! Free!—and thought about how silly I'd been to worry. Every time I agonize over something, whether it's finding a job in Chicago last spring or affording all our baby stuff now, God sends me a solution better than anything I could have dreamed.

And I remembered something my grandmother once said: "Every baby arrives with a loaf of bread under his arm." I had heard before that when you're open to life, willing to accept children lovingly, God will send whatever you need to take care of them. I could hardly believe how completely that had come true for us.

I may not be "ready" for the baby's arrival, at least not in the way the lady from yoga class meant. But I know that if there is one thing I will teach my baby, it's to trust God in all things and at all times. I have seen again and again that He never fails us. And in that sense, I think I'm as ready as I can ever be.

A little announcement

Some of you probably have been wondering if this announcement was coming...

and some of you already knew, and were wondering when the news would hit the blog.

You see, when I told you about our Christmas celebrations, I left out one little detail...

There were three stockings hanging from our mantelpiece on Christmas morning.

The one in the middle is for a tiny person we won't get to meet until late April ... and who couldn't care less about having his or her Christmas stocking. But Daddy insisted, and an extra stocking for Baby means more candy for Mama, right?

I'm 25 weeks as of yesterday, and we couldn't be more excited.

The exact due date is April 18, although I won't be surprised if this little one decides to make an appearance later than that—on average, first babies tend to be born a week "past due."

Now you know why it's been a little quiet around here lately, but brace yourselves for a slew of posts—I have so many thoughts on pregnancy that I've been dying to share with you.

And please keep us in your prayers, won't you?

Love, from the three of us