First, thank you all so much for your lovely comments on the last two posts. Frank and I read every one and we are so grateful to receive your prayers and good wishes!
What a weird time this past
Speaking of postpartum brain, I think I might need to start writing down some of the stuff I've been saying lately instead of Frank, because it's been hilarious in my sleep-deprived state. Yesterday we spent the day with my family, and in the afternoon, my little siblings were playing a geography quiz game and they asked me, "What's the longest river in South America?" In my former life I knew the answer to that blindfolded, but yesterday, I responded with complete confidence, "The Nile." When they started to laugh, I wracked my brain and tried again, "No, I know! Rio de Janeiro!" More laughter. Finally I thought really hard and correctly guessed "The Amazon." Yikes. They teased me all night for that.
We came home from the hospital on Tuesday, after being there since the previous Friday morning. Quite a long stay at the Baby Resort! I sat in the front seat instead of next to Frankie for the drive home, and I was proud of my independence, but the truth is I never could have done it if we didn't have a mirror in the back of the car that allows us to see everything Frankie is doing in the rearview mirror. I loved taking advantage of all the resources in the hospital—mostly asking the nurses a million questions and meeting with the lactation consultant three times. I'm starting to think that maybe all first-time moms should plan a hospital rather than home birth, simply because it's so helpful to have all those knowledgeable people around to help you transition into parenthood. We really enjoyed our stay there, minus the lack of a comfortable place for Frank to sleep—after 4 nights on a reclining chair, he was happy to finally come home!
|Frankie on his way home|
Friday was our big day "out and about." Frankie had his first pediatrician appointment at 10 am, and I had a check-up at 1:30 pm, so Frank and I made a day of it and went shopping at Old Navy, got drinks at Caribou Coffee, and had lunch at Flat Top Grill between the appointments. It was absolutely the best. Miraculously, Frankie slept through the whole thing. I kept saying, "I feel like a real person again!!!" If anyone is free during the day and wants to hang out, seriously, let me know. I'm looking for chances to get out of the house some more before cabin fever sets in for real.
In other news, I've been trying to decide whether or not to write and publish Frankie's birth story. On the one hand, I love birth stories and I always thought I would share mine. But you see, my birth story with Frankie was such a difficult experience. I would honestly use the word traumatic to describe it. I still believe that childbirth can and should be a positive and empowering experience, and that's how I hope my future births will be, so I seriously question whether it's right to put out a story that is so negative. At the same time, it IS what happened to me, and maybe sharing it and talking about it would be therapeutic. So I'll keep thinking about it and try to decide what to do.
Our first Mother's Day went really well. Frank and I went to Mass with my family at the church where we got married. Such a special place for our baby to go to Mass for the first time. I spent most of Mass nursing him in the back of the church—actually, in the same "bride's room" where I waited before my wedding, because it has comfy couches and I could still hear everything that was going on. It was so cool to think about how things have come full circle in the last year.
Spending yesterday with my family was so great. My siblings and parents held Frankie pretty much every second of the day when he wasn't eating. They changed his diaper and burped him and got him to go to sleep, and having so many extra hands was the greatest thing. I kept saying, "This is why I moved back to Chicago." I knew having all that help would be a lifesaver once I had kids. We all went out to brunch and then went walking in this nice garden, and it was another one of those "I feel like a real person" days. I hope those get more frequent!
Well, that's about all I can think of for now, except that I'm still in shock over how NOTHING can prepare you for the way you feel about your baby. Wow, the feelings that hit you. I would describe it as "intense heart-exploding love." I especially love discovering little similarities between my son and Frank—like how they both had/have giant newborn feet, and how they both sleep the same way. It's darling. I dreamed of being a mother all my life, and somehow despite being tired and overwhelmed a lot of the time, I find if even more amazing than I expected.
This is the picture that I think sums up my Frankie. He's a real little trouble-maker:
But we sure do love him.
Now if someone can tell me when I'm going to start feeling like a normal person again, and when nursing is going to stop being so painful, I would certainly appreciate that.