Enjoying it

So, I should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually not at The Hundred this weekend after all (in case that wasn't obvious from my Instagram photos). With my career change, things are a little tighter financially than they were a few months ago, and after adding everything up we realized it really wasn't practical for me to go right now. On top of that, a close family friend was getting married in Chicago this weekend (p.s. Hi Michelle from CT who I saw at the wedding!), so that sealed the deal and I sold my ticket. But I'm absolutely loving all the photos and posts from the event, and I definitely hope to go next year!

It's currently 2:45 am and you would think that the reason I'm writing in the middle of the night is because the baby woke me up, but actually, the baby has been sleeping innocently for the past three hours. I actually wish he would wake up so I would have an excuse to be awake and someone to hang out with. Instead I just have a random bout of insomnia (don't you love those??). So I lay in bed trying to fall asleep for a while, and finally gave up and decided to go blog.

I've been thinking lately a lot about motherhood lately (no duh, Tess, you're thinking). It's kind of a funny experience being a first-time mom while also being the oldest in a big family. On the one hand, I'm incredibly calm about things like letting people hold the baby and taking him to all kinds of events. That child has been to at least eight happy hours and he's barely three months old. But on the other hand, I totally do some classic new-mom things like checking to make sure he's breathing every two minutes. Before he was born, I swore up and down that I would be the most laid-back and calm first-time mom ever, but now I actually like being a little bit of a worrywart since I know all moms are that way with their first and it's fun to look back later on and laugh about how uptight you used to be.

Last week my grandma called me and asked how everything was going. After filling her in on all the latest Barber happenings, I paused to assess everything I'd just said. "Honestly, Grandma, I'm really happy," I said. "There isn't a single area of my life I would change." She laughed and said, "I think that's more a product of your temperament than your circumstances, because I don't think I've ever felt that there was nothing about my life I would change." I mean, yes, I am pretty easy to please, but I think the main reason I feel that way is because I'm finally doing what I've always wanted to do, and always felt called to do.

Whenever someone asks me (and they do a lot!), "So how do you like being a mom?" or "What's it like being a mom so far?", I always have the same answer: "I know this is my vocation. I feel called to being a mom, and I love it." It reminds me of when I worked as a book editor. That job was tough and I worked long hours and I often got tired of it, but I felt that I was doing what I was called to do, and I loved the job even when I didn't like it. I feel the same way about motherhood, but it's even more fulfilling than that job was, and I have a feeling it will only become more so as time goes on.

We were at a happy hour Friday night when one of my friends said, "Tess, you seem to really enjoy being a mom. You just seem so joyful about it." That meant so much to me because that's exactly how I feel. I really do enjoy it, even more than I thought I would. If there's one thing I want people to know about me and motherhood, it's that this vocation brings me so much joy. It's seriously the best.