Frankly My Dear

The latest and greatest from that husband of mine.

A few weeks ago:
Frank: I'm so excited for the baby. You have no idea. I mean, you're great and all but... New toy.
  
In outrage while cleaning the bedroom:
Frank: I can't believe you stole my favorite corner for hiding clothes in!

When I tried to hug him over my huuuuuge bump:
Frank: Is it just me, or does it seem like the baby is coming between us?

We were getting ready for a concert at our church and I'd invited a bunch of people:
Me: Oh! My blog friend Lyndsey might be coming.
Frank: Is this the one whose blog you sent me?
Me: Yep.
Frank: Oh good! I want to meet her. She likes The National. I think we could be friends.
Me: Um... I don't even know what The National is?
Frank: Exactly.

My little brother interviewed Frank for a school project, and I overheard this bit of their phone conversation:
Frank: Why did I get married? Well. I fell in love.

Last week, before we got desperate:
Me: Hey Frank. I've heard foot massages can induce labor.
Frank: I've heard sacrificing a chicken can induce labor.

A few nights ago:
Me: Do you think the baby is scared to come out? It must be nice and cozy in there.
Frank: Nope, it's time for that baby to come out. Time to grow up and be a man.
Me: Don't be silly, it's just a tiny little thing.
Frank: We're going to do like the ancient Spartans did and leave him out on the patio. If he makes it through the night, we'll keep him.
This was obviously a complete joke in case there was the slightest doubt, but it cracked me up!

After reading articles about babies:
Me: I read that the newborn stage is only 6 weeks long and then they just start getting so big. Their tiny stage is so short.
Frank: Yeah, I know. So sad. But hey, at least we'll have lots of babies to enjoy it with.
Here's hoping!

Frankly My Dear

Courtesy of our parish website, from Catholic Trivia night

About the photo above... Frank and I were thrilled to make the local news with our friends (check out photo #2 if you click through!)

One night when I was bored:
Me: Wanna play a game?
Frank:
Me: Wanna play Catan?
Frank:
Me: Wanna play Scrabble?
Frank:
Me: Wanna play ... tickle Frank?
Frank: Wanna play die?

When the classical radio station announced their next selection:
Frank (with undisguised excitement): Sixteenth century Polish folk song??!
Me: ...
Frank: You had me at sixteenth century!

Every time we pass a McDonald's: 
Frank: I don't think we've been in that one yet!

Upon leaving a Trader Joe's in an unfamiliar and very hipster neighborhood:
Frank: Oh God! There's so many hipsters!
Me: Is that why you took so long?
Frank: The place was overrun with them... the little pests.

Apropos of nothing: 
Frank: I really do have a luscious mustache.

One time my friend Giedre said, "Frank seems like the kind of guy that, the more women are around, the more he wants to join in the fun." When I reported this to Frank later that night:
Frank (very flattered): Wow. That's like what I would want her to say, but wouldn't expect her to know me well enough to say. How does she know me so well??

After getting an unexpected text from a very straitlaced friend:
Frank: I just got a smiley face in a text from [friend]!
Me: Yeah?
Frank: He's really letting his hair down!

When another team beat us at church trivia night:
Frank (scornfully): Are they even parishioners???

When I complained about feeling different now that I'm pregnant:
Frank: It's not like being pregnant has changed anything.
Frank: Except that you're ... more ... pregnantly-shaped.
Tactful.

He reported that his friends were posting ridiculous music on his Facebook wall:
Me: Is that the reason you're listening to "It's raining men, Hallejulah"?
Frank: What are you talking about?? This is a great song!
five minutes later
Frank: Just kidding.
Uh-huh.

Sometimes he philosophizes:
Frank: A good weekday homily always remind me of that scene in "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" when Robin Hood is dueling with another guy, and he makes three quick slashes and the man's pants fall off.
Me: Really?? In what way?
Frank: They're quick, precise, and to the point.

When he decided to do an Ash Wednesday juice cleanse and I asked what kind:
Frank: I'm doing the frank barber school of whatever-I-want juice cleanse :p

When he went all "lawyer" on me during some silly argument:
Me: Well, I still think you're wrong.
Frank: I think I'm right. And I definitely used more big words than you.

And a bonus one...

One day when we were discussing faith:
Me: You believe in miracles, don't you?
Frank: Well, of course. You said yes to marrying me, didn't you?
Aw. This is why I love him.

Frankly My Dear

For a while now I've been thinking about starting a little series with funny quotes from Frank, and finally decided to go for it. Thanks to Grace for inspiring me with her hilarious Simon Says series.

Frank and my dad showing off their beards ... birds of a feather

When I told him I was keeping a list of funny quotes from my nine-year-old sister:
Frank: Wow. You started one for her but you wouldn't start one for me?

Early one morning when I was being my usual chipper self:
Frank: You say more words in the first 30 minutes of being up than I say in the first three hours.
Me:
Frank: That's not even an exaggeration.

When he was going to the grocery store and I told him to get a "good" frozen pizza:
Frank: Honey, I know how to pick out a frozen pizza. You forget I was a bachelor ... for many years.

When he disapproved of something I did (wish I could remember what!):
Frank: Seriously? That's something I would expect from one of my criminal clients.

We've been on a Gilmore Girls kick this winter, and in case you haven't seen the show, those girls eat a LOT of candy. We were on our way to the grocery store:
Me: So what do you want to do after groceries?
Frank: We need to buy lots of candy and then watch Gilmore Girls.
Me:
Frank: I feel like its just respectful.

After we spent two days driving across the country and my attire left something to be desired:
Frank: I think your style theme for this weekend is "homeless."

After I complained about our bad road-trip habit of eating at every McDonald's we see:
Frank: Honey, there's a McDonald's over there.
Me: rolls eyes
Frank: I don't think we've been in that one yet!

When he walked in on me wiping off make-up and saw the foundation-covered cotton ball:
Frank: Ew, gross!!! What happened to preserving the mystery???

While he was working on the grocery list:
Frank: Tin foil... hand soap... croutons. Roger Croutons.
Frank: looks at me expectantly
Me: pause ... then laughs hysterically
Frank: At least we think each other's cool.

Ain't that the truth.