Baby shower gifts your friend will love

Last week a dear friend texted me to say that she's going to a baby shower next weekend and she doesn't have kids so AHHH HELP she had no clue what to get. She just wants to find a gift the mom will LOVE and did I have any suggestions?!

My first suggestion was to buy something off her registry. I think most people really appreciate when you get something they asked for (and often NEED) off their registry instead of yet another newborn outfit that will only be worn once.

But in this case the mama-to-be didn't have a registry, so here's what I recommended. I tried to think of fun "extras" that she might not purchase for herself, but that she'll use all the time and love! (And hey—my friend is still looking for a gift and she reads this blog—so if you have any other ideas please share in the comments!)

I told her that if the mama is planning to breastfeed (a big IF but if you're close friends you can usually find out), the perfect thing would be a breastfeeding gift basket! You could package up a copy of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, some Motherlove nipple cream (sounds gross, but worth its weight in gold), some Mother's Milk Tea and a set of Bamboobies or other nursing pads. If you want to really go wild, you could also throw in a cute nursing cover (not necessary but nice to have in the newborn stage), a Boppy or My Brest Friend pillow, a gift card to get a nice nursing bra, and maybe even a manual breast pump. Throw some cellophane and a bow on all that and you've got the world's best new-mom basket. Your friend will be blessing your name every time she pulls out one of those awesome supplies!

Another themed gift (again depending on the mom's plans) is a cloth diaper gift basket with a diaper sprayer, a cute wet bag (large and small), some of the special detergent for cloth diapers, and of course 2–4 diapers of her choice (I use the Bumgenius 4.0 but the options are endless).

One of the biggest sanity-savers postpartum is a good baby carrier, like the K'tan or Solly Baby or Ergo. This is another case where it's best to know her preference, but if in doubt, I recommend getting the K'tan because it's comfortable and easy to figure out.

Or you could take the guesswork out of it and get her a membership to her local Babywearing International chapter, so she can rent a new baby carrier every month. This is an amazing, inexpensive (my local chapter is $30) way to test out different carriers and I really wish I'd done this before Frankie was 13 months old (but better late than never, right?). One of my friends buys a membership for every new mom she knows which is super thoughtful and useful.

Going down the much more affordable route...

Indestructibles are like board books but better. They seriously can't break and they have the prettiest illustrations. Frankie doesn't have one but I wish he did! The little girl next door does, and her mom attests that it keeps her endlessly entertained.

A new mom can never have enough Old Navy baby socks—they're the best at actually staying on little feet, plus they're inexpensive and cute. Before Frankie was born, my brother-in-law (who works at Old Navy) awesomely bought us about 20 pairs in all different sizes and colors. We have used them almost every day, and the great thing about having so many is that I'm never frantically hunting for a missing sock since I can always just grab a different pair. For a darling presentation, you could do what one of my friends did and package the little socks in cupcake liners in a cute box. You can never have too many!

A super useful gift is a pack of "prefold" (flat, unfolded) cloth diapers. They make the best burp cloths because they're so absorbent. I have a few packs of these and use them constantly! A similar idea is a package of flannel blankets—you can use them as swaddle blankets, burp cloths, anything.

I didn't discover these bibs that double as burp cloths until recently, but I'm completely obsessed and wish I had about 10 of them. They do both jobs perfectly and are super cute too. Any mom would love some of these!

I asked my mom for a teething necklace (jewelry for mom that baby can safely chew) for my birthday last year and I use it all the time. Some great brands include Chewbeads, Smart Mom Jewelry, and The Jones Market. You could get your friend a gift card or pick out some jewelry for her if you know her style.

One of our favorite gifts was a set of stacking bath toys that Frankie has so much fun playing with. Who knew bath toys would be such an awesome present? Throw in some organic baby shampoo or a hooded towel and you have another gift basket idea.

Before I had a baby I scoffed at the idea of using one of those backseat car mirrors that let you see your baby while you're driving. Then I had a baby and that silly little car mirror became my favorite thing. It was a baby shower gift and I think most new moms would love one (even if they don't think they will before baby is born!).

Alright, that's all I got. I really hope this is helpful, and if you have any other suggestions, lay 'em on me. If all else fails, you can't go wrong with books or clothing! Or, as one of my friends said, "beautiful, open-ended, wooden toys that will grow with the child." Yep. :)

p.s. For more along these lines, check out these great posts one and two by super-experienced mama Grace.

Frankie + "Dah-dee"

I don't think we can call Frankie a baby anymore but a toddler instead! It's so cute to see his little personality develop and the funny ways he tries to imitate what we say and do.

He and Frank are the best of pals these days. Nobody can make him laugh quite like his dad can! I think Frank is really enjoying the new-found affection from Frankie after all the months of Frankie preferring me during the baby phase.

Matching outfits at Easter

Here are a few recent stories of those two best buddies...

Frankie said "Daddy" for the first time the night of July 11! First he slowly sounded out "dahhh-dee" and then switched to "dahhh-doo" for a few days. But now it's back to either "dada" or "dah-dee" almost all the time. The best.

One great thing about co-sleeping is that you can see all the funny, cute things your baby does between sleep cycles. A few weeks ago, Frankie sat up in bed in the middle of the night and said, "Dada?" Frank was fast asleep, so Frankie leaned over to plant his face on him, and at first I thought he was biting him! But then I heard his little lips smacking and I realized he was KISSING him instead. Then he dropped down and went right back to sleep like nothing happened!

Another night, Frankie was clearly having a hilarious dream. He was giggling and chuckling in his sleep, and I lay there wondering what on earth could be so funny, and wishing it were possible to know what he was dreaming about. Well, my wish was granted, because suddenly he let out an especially loud laugh and said, "Daaa-daaaa!" all without waking up. How cute to know that he was dreaming about having fun with his dad.

One evening I served soup for dinner, and it was still really hot so Frank began to blow on his spoon to cool the soup down before lifting it to his lips. As I served Frankie his not-hot-at-all baby food, he began to blow on each bite too, laughing and looking at Frank the whole time.

Frankie loves going to Frank's softball games every Monday night, and the real highlight for him is if he gets his own "baw" (ball) to play with and can throw it to me just like Frank pitches it from the mound. He's getting really good at playing catch from watching Frank do it!

Watching dad pitch

Frank has taught him that the dog says "woof", except when Frankie imitates the dog it sounds more like "woo! woo!" in the softest little voice ever. Now Frankie starts to "woof" every time he sees a dog, and once he even got down on his hands and knees to really get into the imitating. Last week we walked past a cat in front of a house, and right on cue Frankie began to "woof" at the cat too! Frank also taught him to "roar" like the lion, which in Frankie-speak is more like "woe!" again in such a sweet little voice.

Whenever he sees Frank's tie rack or his potted plants outside, he points and yells "Dadadadada!" Possibly because I always tell him they're "Dada's ties" and "Dada's plants."

And my personal favorite... every morning before he leaves for work, Frank gives me a kiss goodbye, and Frankie has started to imitate him and give me a kiss right after his dad does! It makes me so happy to see our boy imitating this sweet habit.

I sure do love those two Franks of mine.

A minimalist nursery in our 1BR apartment (with photos!)

After all the talk about keeping our baby stuff to the bare minimum, and the list of baby stuff we amassed before the birth, I thought you might like an update on what that looks like in practice. Our goal was to spend as little as possible and keep the baby stuff from taking over our apartment, and I think we've done a pretty good job.

We converted my dresser into a changing table by stacking cheap blankets on top of it, rotating through them whenever one gets dirty. You can see the wet bag for cloth diapers on the right (we use a combination of cloth and disposable):

The nice thing about this set-up is that we can expand the size of the "changing pad" as Frankie grows, plus we didn't need to buy anything new. 

The top two drawers of the dresser hold my stuff, and the bottom drawer is for Frankie's clothing and cloth diapers. It turns out that baby clothing is TINY so all his outfits (and he has at least 30!) easily fit in one drawer. If we had a whole dresser for him, I honestly don't know what we would do with all the other drawers!

As for bedtime, Frankie sleeps in a little travel crib next to our bed. It's just the right size!

I set up this "nursing station" in the living room, with a stack of books to read while nursing, a charging station for my phone, water, snacks, etc. Several moms suggested doing that and I'm so glad I took their advice! The quilt was mine when I was a baby. We can easily move the quilt and nursing pillow to the bedroom when we have company coming over and want the room to look a little more grown-up.

We also have a container in the bathroom for Frankie's bath supplies and two cubbies in the closet for all his blankets, swaddle cloths, sleep sacks, etc. (I have one of these which I share with the little guy). We keep his stroller in the trunk of the car and just pull it out whenever we need it.

The one thing I would like to have if we had more space is a swing. I've heard they are lifesavers. But I substitute my own low-tech "swing" by putting Frankie in his car seat carrier and rocking it back and forth with one hand while reading a book or checking my phone with the other. That works for now, and maybe we'll get a swing for the next baby. :)

Finally, we have this little bouncer seat where I set Frankie when I'm cooking/showering/doing anything where I can't wear him. He loves it, especially with his musical beehive toy that we tied to the top. Here's the little man modeling it himself:

Andddddd that's it! That's all the baby stuff in our apartment. It's working out really well so far. We don't feel like anything is missing. It is so true that you don't need a lot of stuff for baby. We are loving the minimalist approach!

p.s. I stumbled across this article called "Getting ready for Baby: what do I really need?" and thought you might enjoy it! It definitely describes our approach!

Nursing

Just a quick thought...

Nursing is going really well for us, in that I've been able to nurse Frankie since he was born and he's gaining weight well and that is his only source of nutrition, but MAN is it painful. It is incredible to me that the human species has survived thus far predicated on the notion that babies will survive their early months via just breastfeeding. No wonder wet nurses used to be so popular!! I'm holding out hope that it will magically stop hurting after a month, or six weeks, as so many more experienced moms have told me.

One thing comes to my mind every time he nurses. I've been trying to offer up the pain of each latch-on for some special intention (got an intention? Let me know!). Each time I think of Our Lord's words: "Take and eat. This is my body, given up for you." Those words take on a whole new meeting when you are a nursing mom! It hurts so much, but I'm grateful to be able to offer that gift to my baby. And I think this experience has helped me understand better what Christ meant with those words. Now every time we go to Mass, I tear up during the Consecration; there is just so much more meaning there.

If this all sounds like crazy ramblings to you... chalk it up to my sleep deprivation and overlook it, wouldya? Thanks.

:)

Velveteen mom

Parenting a newborn is so hard. Well, that's probably the understatement of the year!

I knew it wouldn't be easy, but these first few weeks have been even harder than I expected. People warn you about the sleepless nights, but there are so many other challenges that no one can prepare you for. Frankie, for example, screams his head off every time we change his diaper or his outfit, so Frank and I dread diaper changes way more than we should for a newborn, because we don't want to feel like we're torturing our son. Or there's the way this little one eats - constantly. I think there is a picture of Frankie next to the word "insatiable" in the dictionary. So I spend at least half my day with a little one glued to my chest, and I feel so very unproductive thinking of all the things I'm not getting done. On the plus side, I've learned how to do all kinds of impressive things while breastfeeding, like standing, walking and sitting at the table to eat dinner. Desperate times call for desperate measures!

I've concluded that being postpartum is like being constantly tipsy, in that everything seems to take way more mental effort than it should. It feels like such a huge accomplishment to do something as simple as showering and then tackling last night's dishes. Yesterday I managed to finish and order a photo book journal I'd been working on throughout the pregnancy, and I practically felt like I deserved a medal for having the mental energy and perseverance to get that done and ordered in one day! Meanwhile blogging seems so daunting, because stringing together words into a coherent thought (much less a whole post!) is not my strong suit right now.

But through it all, that kid is so darn cute and lovable. It is hard, really hard, to spend all your time caring for a little person who doesn't respond or acknowledge your efforts. Sometimes, when I'm tired and annoyed, I begin to think that he is just a bundle of needs and crying. But then he stops crying the second I snuggle him into my chest, and I remember that he knows my smell, and my voice, and heartbeat, and in his little world I am the safest place he knows. The privilege and honor of being that to someone is more than I can quite comprehend. It takes my breath away and makes me give thanks, again and again, for this tiny beautiful child God has blessed us with.

One particularly hard day, the first week Frankie was home, I broke down in tears when my mom was over. "How do women do this??" I sobbed. "I'm so tired of nursing all the time and not sleeping! How does anyone have a second child? Or more??" My mom, who raised seven of us, smiled at my dramatics and assured me it would get easier. Then she said, "you see, honey, in a way, all mothers are saints." I've thought a lot about that. Isn't it true? In being mothers, we find ourselves tapping into deep wells of selflessness and patience and sacrifice that we never knew we had. In doing so we burn away the self-centered parts of ourselves and, like the rabbit in the tale, become Real. The crazy part is that I'm thinking this after less than three weeks of motherhood - I can't imagine how much greater are the reserves of patience and fortitude that older mothers and mothers of more children have. I know I'm just on the first leg of this lifelong journey.

Well, my little needlet is hungry, so I'm off again. I'll try to write again sooner!

Waitin' on a Baby

Do you know the song Waitin' on a woman? I love that song, always have. I feel like that's my life right now. Waiting on a baby—a baby who seems to have inherited its Cuban mother's genetic predisposition for perpetual lateness.

Right now my social life is an ongoing game of what I call "baby roulette." I'm only making plans a day or two in advance, and every response to an invitation ends with, "I'll be there... as long as I'm not in labor!"

I'm trying to make the most of these days, and I have to say, I am having a lot of fun. Working from home allows for a lot of free time since I'm able to get my projects done very quickly. Wednesday afternoon I went shopping with Giedre and Theresa, and we ended up having the greatest time goofing around the mall together.

Attempts to get a self-portrait

My mom thoughtfully got me a mani-pedi for a baby gift, and I cashed that in yesterday. Genius baby gift for sure. I think every full-term pregnant lady deserves one, preferably with massage included.

That evening was supposed to be my monthly Bible study with some girl friends, but almost everyone had to cancel last minute except Giedre and I. We decided to live large and change the plan to a double date with our menfolk at Eataly.

I told her, "I feel like my life is that song Live like you were dying—I'm trying to pack in every last fun thing I can think of before the baby comes!" In this case, "every fun thing" meant gelato and fancy hot chocolate.

I need to come up with some more bucket list items in case Baby decides not to make an appearance this weekend. Milk and cookies at Heritage? Cupcakes at Magnolia? I'd love suggestions!

Also, why do all my bucket list items involve dessert of some kind? I think maybe the end of Lent has something to do with it...

9 months

Last night I told Frank I'd officially hit "that point" where I'm just DONE being pregnant.

I'm in the "maxi dress and flip-flops stage"—my feet are too swollen for most of my shoes to be comfortable, and even my maternity dresses are getting tight. So maxi dresses and flip-flops it was all weekend.

Today, though, I managed to get myself dressed in a nice, professional outfit, complete with black blazer and boots, for my last day at work before I start to work from home (until the baby comes). I wanted to make it in today so I could train the temp who's taking my place while I'm on maternity leave.

I'm actually really glad I made it to work today, even though I'm exhausted. If I hadn't, I'd probably be lying on the couch at home, feeling sorry for myself. Instead I feel like a productive member of society. :)

I keep telling Frank, "I don't think I was really pregnant until I was eight months pregnant." Before that, I had almost none of the usual pregnancy symptoms—no vomiting or nausea, lots of energy, very few aches and pains. I felt fine and genuinely enjoyed being pregnant. But when I got to 8 months, a bunch of symptoms hit with a vengeance—swollen feet, headaches and tiredness. I think the Lord in his wisdom designed the eighth month of pregnancy to help prepare husbands for living with newborns. All I've wanted to do for the past two weeks is eat and sleep.

My midwife told me on Thursday that it looks like Baby is around 8 or 8 1/2 pounds now, and "ready to come out any time!" That sent me into a slight panic, because 8 1/2 pounds sounds HUGE, especially if this babe takes its time and keeps growing.

Saturday night, Frank and I had a major false alarm. We were at Vigil Mass when I started feeling regular contractions. After Mass we went to a 24-hour diner with some friends and I ordered hot wings and ate them ALL in an effort to help things along. Sure enough, contractions kept coming. I was so excited and told Frank, "We better pack our hospital bags. I think it's happening tonight!" So when we finally got home around 2:00 am, we ran around the house like chickens with our heads cut off, packing our bags and the baby's bag and getting all the last things in place. Frank even cleaned the bathroom, in a random and adorable fit of nesting. The whole time we were laughing about being such classic first-time parents. We finally went to sleep at 3:00 am, with my final words being, "We'll head to the hospital in the morning."

Well, we woke up on Sunday morning to NO CONTRACTIONS whatsoever. Argh. We went to my parents' house for brunch, and after I told them about our false alarm and the baby's size, my entire family decided to play a fun and exciting new game called "make Tess go into labor."

First my dad led us all on a loooong walk, then my sister Maria talked me into walking up and down the stairs for 20 minutes. Caroline, the one in high school, decided to bake labor cookies and took me to Whole Foods for evening primrose oil and red raspberry leaf tea. We ran into one of my mom's friends at the Whole Foods. "What are you ladies doing here?" she asked sweetly. I replied with a bright smile, "Just picking up some natural remedies to induce labor!" Her response was a polite "Oh!" Afterward I realized that might not have been the most normal thing to tell her.

Caroline packed me a baggie full of 8 cookies to take home. So right now I'm sitting at my desk eating labor cookies and washing them down with raspberry leaf tea.

This looks like normal tea and cookies... but it's NOT.

I'll keep you guys posted.

A lovely baby shower!

Alright, it's Holy Saturday, and I feel like it's ok to turn back to fun/frivolous topics. Like baby showers. :)

There was much debate a few months ago over whether or not I should have a baby shower. I didn't want to have one because my bridal shower was only a year ago, so it seemed too recent since I'd been the center of attention.

But Frank tipped the balance, because he felt really strongly that I should have one. "It's your first baby," he argued. "People don't throw showers for later babies. You should have a shower for this baby and enjoy it!"

When I finally agreed, we encountered a new obstacle: my mom's social calendar. She had a big trip or event planned for every single weekend. It began to look like she wouldn't have a day available until after my due date! Luckily she was able to move some things around and we finally settled on Sunday, April 13, for the party.

I think my mom was born to throw parties, because she is really, really good at it. Any hostess ability I have comes straight from her, and I can only aspire to her level.

We arrived on Sunday to find a table full of delicious hors d'oeuvres (or "snacks on snacks" as I like to say):

Mom proudly showed us her masterpiece—the "baby angel" centerpiece:

My little sister tried to put a paper-towel diaper on it, which cracked me up.

My one request for the shower was that we play a lot of games. I figure everyone loves some good competitive games, especially if you can win prizes. Plus I didn't want the only event to be me opening gifts, because I think that can get boring for everyone else. My mom and sisters did such an awesome job and totally delivered with some really fun activities!

My sister Caroline organized this hilarious game where she interviewed Frank and me before the shower about our expectations for being parents, and then read aloud the answers while everyone guessed who said what. For example, "How many diapers do you expect to change per day?" Frank said 3, I said 1. ;) "Who will be the fun parent?" We each said ourselves! (Frank: "I think you should include that 100% of your family agrees that I will be the fun parent.") "When will baby start walking?" I said 12 or 13 months, Frank said "9 months because it will be an advanced baby." "Advanced baby" cracked me up. That game was really fun and got so many laughs.

My mom passed around a tape measure and had everyone guess how big my belly is, and the winner got a prize. Vanessa (who came all the way from California!!) impressively guessed within half an inch!

There was also a timed pregnancy word search and baby-themed word scramble, again with prizes. Theresa brought these darling little cards for people to fill out notes to the baby and predictions about the gender, name, and weight and height at birth. Frank and I have really enjoyed reading through those since the shower.

I opened gifts, and was completely blown away by the thoughtfulness and generosity of our friends. I can't even begin to list all the beautiful gifts this baby received. A few friends chose gifts especially for Frank as the new dad—he was thrilled to look through those later on! We also really enjoyed the darling packaging some of our clever friends came up with, like Anna's precious "cupcake box," filled with rolled-up onesies and baby socks:

Isn't that the cutest idea? As my Grandma said, "I can tell I'm at a baby shower because every five minutes I hear someone say, 'Awwww!'"

We didn't make Frank attend the shower—instead he had a great time mini golfing with my dad and brother. Do dads/husbands usually attend showers in your family? He did make an appearance at the very end, though—just in time for us to get a photo together, and for the guys to enjoy some cake and ice cream with us.

Finally, Mum crafted these clever party favors, based off an idea she found on Pinterest. She put packages of unpopped popcorn in little boxes that said "Theresa is ready to POP!" and topped each one off with a cupcake.

Those were a huge hit! I tell you, she was born to throw parties.

Despite my initial hesitation, I'm so glad I let Frank talk me into having a shower. I think it helped that we kept the party really small (just family and close friends) and that we played a lot of games. It ended up being a wonderfully fun afternoon.

Last prenatal yoga class!

I was kind of a celebrity at my prenatal yoga class on Tuesday night. It was my official "last class" before my due date.

There were a bunch of new students there, including a girl who isn't due until November! I recognized a girl from my birth class and we exchanged emails, excited to see each other again. Meanwhile everyone gawked at me in excitement and asked a million questions.

"What was the biggest difference you noticed between second and third trimester?" "Have you packed your hospital bag?" "How do you FEEL?"

I smiled and one girl said, "You look really calm!"

"I feel really calm," I said.

Thinking of the infant car seat Frank installed over the weekend and the dresser drawer full of soft infant clothing, I said, "I feel ready." I've definitely come full circle.

Our sweet instructor joined in the excitement. She had us focus on lunges and squats during class—"This is good preparation for labor!" she assured us, looking at me.

"Good luck, Tess! You can do it!" she said after class. "Just remember to stay with your breath during labor. And email me pictures after the baby is here!"

As I left, everyone gathered around to wave and wish me good luck. I left with such a feeling of warmth.

Then I walked down the street to the burger place on the corner. They have a deal with the yoga studio that students can park in their lot for free, so all winter I've been parking my car there and resisting the aroma of their delicious burgers. I promised myself that I could go there for dinner after my last class.

So Frank met me there for an indulgent dinner of burgers and fries, and I told him all about my celebrity stint as the most pregnant lady in prenatal yoga class.

I'm so glad I decided to take that class. The other pregnant ladies and the instructor form such a nice little community, and the yoga has helped me feel great all pregnancy. I hope to take the class again during any future pregnancies.

And now I'm drinking red raspberry leaf tea from Whole Foods, and looking up recipes for labor cookies, and waiting. Just hanging in there. I can't wait to meet this tiny love of my life.

Ready for Baby: What we actually ended up with

So you guys got to hear me worry about our lack of preparedness for Baby's arrival when I was 6 months pregnant. Well, I'm happy to report that now at 8.5 months, we actually are ready! Or as ready as a person can be for something this life-changing.

After making the world's most over-thought list of baby essentials, my plans were changed when I realized that people will just give you stuff. Awesome stuff. Check out the world's cutest blue and gold hat, hanging out in our baby clothes drawer:

My friend Laura made that. I know. I was blown away. Frank and I are in love with it and we can't wait to put it on Baby's head as soon as the little one makes an appearance.

Anyway, so here are the rules I followed in deciding what to actually get.

1. No buying of clothes. My friend Maggie had a baby in July, and she told me over and over again not to buy any clothes, because we would receive more than enough as gifts. She was right. Baby already has a fully-stocked wardrobe with every kind of soft, snuggly outfit you can imagine.

2. No buying of anything we can get for free. I made a list below of all the baby stuff we currently have. The only things on this list we bought were the crib, disposable diapers, Puj tub and "diaper bag" backpack—and we used gift cards for all four, so they were "free" for us too. Everything else was borrowed or a gift.

Oh, Frank also bought a few onesies for the baby, including that "Southside Irish" one in the picture above (he loves that thing). Rule #1 only applies to me, not him.

Baby gear we actually have

Graco Travel Lite crib with stages

I was set on exclusively co-sleeping (saves space and money!) until I realized Baby needs a place to nap during the day while I'm going about my business. So we went to Babies R Us to scope out the options, and Frank fell completely in love with this crib that grows with your child, from infant bassinet to full-fledged crib. He wanted to buy it on the spot! Instead we waited a few weeks for a big sale on Graco products and used a gift card to order it. Free shipping, too. Score.

Insane amount of onesies and socks (Frank's little brother works at Old Navy and he buys us all kinds of baby clothing. One time baby socks went on sale for $0.25 each and he bought $20 worth. Baby will have socks FO LYFE.)
Two Boppy pillows
Infant car seat/bucket carrier
Stroller that fits with infant car seat
Baby carriers: Baby Bjorn, Moby wrap, and ring sling
Two baby bath tubs (a regular plastic one, and the foldable Puj Flyte)
Cloth diapers (prefolds—we're hoping to add some AIOs to the stash)
Swaddling blankets/wraps
Nursing cover
Bouncy seat
Sophie the giraffe
Breast pump (Did you know you can get breast pumps for free through some insurance plans? That's what I did. Thank you, health insurance!)
Disposable newborn diapers
Baby bath supplies (body wash, lotion, etc.)
Several darling books and toys
Baby bath towels
Washcloths
Receiving blankets
White noise machine (Frank's radio alarm clock makes nature sounds, beach sounds, etc. Two birds, one stone.)
"Diaper bag" aka the lightest backpack we could find (My baby-expert friend Maggie told me to get a diaper backpack instead of tote bag, and I do as I'm told)

I may be missing a few things, but overall, I think we just might be set!

The one thing I want to try and collect a few more of is cloth diapers, because although we have a bunch right now, they were borrowed and we will need to return them to my co-worker at some point.

Ok, sorry to do this again, but fellow moms, help a mother out. Anything crucial I'm missing? Thank you thank you in advance!

Minimalist Baby Essentials: What you actually need (warning: long!)

From the beginning of my pregnancy, I went a little crazy doing research for what we would actually NEED vs. what was just a fun extra. Since we live in a very small one-bedroom apartment, I knew that minimalist was the name of the game.

In case you're like me and have to read every dang thing ever written about a subject before making a decision, I wanted to share some of the excellent resources I found for creating a "bare minimum" list of baby essentials. Obviously I'm not speaking from experience here, since my baby isn't even born yet! But these are the websites I found most helpful in researching what I could (and couldn't) live without.

(By the way, it's embarrassing how long it took me to put text on that picture. Anyone want to teach this Luddite some basic graphic design??)

I started with this great post from Katrina called Five Favorite Baby Essentials. She says that all you really need is something for baby to eat, a place for baby to sleep, a carrier and something that makes white noise. Ok! We can do that!

Next I loved this positive post from The Minimalist Mom called A minimalist guide to baby essentials. She added clothing, burp cloths and a high-backed chair to Katrina's list, but mostly it was the same.

This Minimalist list of newborn essentials cracked me up because of this great observation:

You don’t need everything before your baby is born.

I know, right?! Who would have guessed? See, your baby won’t be able to roll over for at least three months, and probably won’t be crawling for at least seven. She won’t be able to grasp toys or sit up or really do much of anything for months. Which means you actually have tons of time to get stuff like rattles, play pens, baby gates and high chairs. (You might even find you don’t need them at all.)
This also means she won’t be getting dirty for months, either. You hardly need any clothes for the first few months. (After the solids start, though, look out: the laundry will start a-pilin’.)
The other thing is this: barring a natural disaster or zombie apocalypse, stores will still be selling baby things after your munchkin’s arrival. No kidding! So if you all of a sudden realize you need a soother or a hairbrush or baby nail clippers, you can buy them then. After the baby is born.

Somehow that incredibly obvious observation never occurred to me! I love it though. Now Frank and I quote it to each other all the time: "The store's not going to sell out of strollers. They're not going to stop making diapers. We can always buy this stuff after the baby is here." Such a freeing thought! That list added nursing bras and pads, receiving blankets, a bathtub and a car seat.

I enjoyed this list of 5 Baby Gear Essentials for Living With Baby in a Small One Bedroom Apartment—right up my alley. We ended up taking her suggestion for the portable, "grows with your baby" crib (more on that in a later post). The comments are great too.

Now for my favorite posts in this whole list—a 7-part series on Baby essentials that aren't. This series was fascinating! I especially loved the posts on why you don't need a crib, don't need an infant car seat carrier, and why you don't need a stroller. Even though we ultimately ended up getting all three of those things (all were gifts), I found that series to be eye-opening and incredibly helpful.

I also stumbled upon two discussion threads that were very helpful in that early stage of gathering information. Mothering.com has a great forum called Bringing Baby Home to a One Bedroom Apartment, and DCUrbanMom.com had a similar thread called Tips for Raising Baby in One-Bedroom Apartment.

I also enjoyed Grace's posts on favorite baby gear, 10 practical baby gifts and 10 more practical baby gifts, but since I knew we didn't have space for some of that stuff (like a high chair or exersaucer), I picked and chose from her lists rather than taking them as definitive. I love that she has tequila on the last one. That woman is my hero.

All this research led me to decide that we would try to co-sleep and breastfeed (only for the sake of cost and convenience—if they don't work out for us, I'll chalk it up to adaptive response and be fine with it.) So I also did a heap of research on those.

I read (and loved) Prof. McKenna's book Sleeping with your Baby; his guidelines for co-sleeping are summarized here. As for breastfeeding, I read the La Leche League book (and I plan to pack it in my hospital bag for post-birth reference) and I bookmarked this article on ecological breastfeeding.

Ok, so after all that, here is the list I came up with for what we actually NEED:

Best photographer in Chicagoland

Do you live in or near Chicago? Do you need a photographer?

May I recommend Giedre?

Inspired by Lindsay's pregnancy photo tradition, I wanted to start the same tradition in our family.

I tell you, it takes some talent to make a woman feel pretty at eight months pregnant! But Giedre is amazing at what she does and she did just that.

Giedre is so much fun to work with. Usually I feel kind of awkward having my photo taken, but she gave us perfectly clear directions and joked around to put us at ease. She even put up with Frank's smart-aleck remarks the whole time. :p

There is something so cool about seeing your friends "at work." Even though Giedre and I have been friends for a while, I'd never seen her in "photographer mode" before. It gave me a whole new respect for her!

Giedre told me these photos are just a "sneak peek," a teaser of what's to come. If this is the sneak peek, I can't even imagine how great the final photos will be! I'm so looking forward to having them around our house and in the baby's photo album.

Thank you so much, Giedre! And again, here is her website. You will love working with her!

Update: I wanted to add this great post by Kathryn, in case anyone is on the fence about getting maternity photos done. Like she says, it's so worth it!

Office baby shower!

Having a baby just brings out the nicest side of people. I was surprised and incredibly touched when I found out on Monday that my office was planning a little baby shower for me. The party was yesterday afternoon.

The theme was "Mother to Bee" or "What's it gonna Bee?" Take your pick. :) Of course, everyone had to try and guess our baby's sex. The overwhelming majority voted "girl!"

It was a real team effort, with some co-workers providing sandwiches and pasta and others bringing cupcakes and chocolate-covered strawberries. Mmmm. Those chocolate-covered strawberries. I decided Lent could be suspended for the sake of my first baby shower. Baby enjoyed it—he or she kicked up a storm after three of those delicious strawberries. So really I was just being a nice mom. 

My co-workers went above and beyond picking out thoughtful gifts. A glider swing, a Pack 'n' Play, lots of clothing and blankets, some darling toys, pacifiers, baby bath supplies and even Sophie the giraffe! My favorite comment was from one older, unmarried lady who said, "I had so much fun picking out baby things for a change!" They really are the kindest people.

And now I have this sweet little addition to my cubicle for the rest of the week:

 

My co-workers helped me get everything in the car and I brought it all home to show Frank. We are both awed and slightly overwhelmed with gratitude at everyone's generosity! I snapped a picture of our couch after we finished going through everything:

(Don't mind our charming red-on-red color scheme :p )

What a lucky baby this little one is!

Bookworm problems with the baby registry

I've been working on our baby registry intermittently for the past few months, and last week I confidently announced to Frank that it was "All done!" Other than picking a stroller (which we want to test out in person first), we had everything we needed on there.

But as I looked over the list, it occurred to me that 60-some items seemed a little high. Off the top of my head I could only think of a handful of things we really need, besides clothing and diapers (which do make up a large part of the registry). What was driving the numbers up so much?

I had put a lot of books on there... but books are important, right? Babies need to be read to, and I figure this is my one chance in life to get as many free children's books as I want. It was only smart to register for all the books Baby could ever want, right?

Then I counted how many books were on the registry.

There were thirty.

Thirty books. A full half of our baby registry was books.

Sheepishly I informed Frank, "Oh by the way... half the registry is books." No big, right?

Um, yes big. He politely but firmly asked me to please remove the books from the registry. We should focus, he said, on acquiring the stuff we actually need.

"But we need books," I said.

"The baby can get books for Christmas and birthdays," he said. "Baby doesn't need all those books right away.

"Do I have to take them all off? Can't I leave I'll Love Your Forever on there?" (And The Velveteen Rabbit and Winnie the Pooh and Peter Rabbit, I added in my head.)

"Yes, all of them," he said. "Why don't you make an Amazon wish list? That way you'll know which books you want for later."

I pouted for five minutes and then finally admitted he was right.

So I went through the registry and one-by-one looked up each book on Amazon, added it to a "Books for Baby" wish list, and deleted it from the registry. Goodbye, Paddington Bear. Goodbye, Frog and Toad. I also added a few more books I found on Amazon, because I totally forgot Ferdinand the Bull, and you can't forget Ferdinand the Bull.

As I was doing this, it occurred to me that this was becoming a pretty epic book list. Since this blog began when my mom was trying to choose what books to give as gifts at a baby shower and asked for my advice, it seemed only fitting to share my Books for Baby wish list on Amazon with you.

Am I forgetting any good children's books? What books would you add to the list?

And has anyone else had to stop herself from filling up a baby registry with books? Please tell me I'm not the only one. :)

Picking baby names!

Inspired by Grace's post about her naming process

This is kind of a silly post, because Frank and I have already picked names for our baby, and some of you guys already know what those names are (we're the worst with secrets!). But it's still fun to hear your ideas and guesses.

When it comes to naming babies, I have two rules:

 1. No names from the Top Ten list.

I just don't want to use a name that's super common. As one of my friends said, "You want your daughter to be known in her class as Olivia, not 'Olivia B.'"

2. The name has to have a connection (however slight) to a saint.

via

Saints' days are a big deal in my family—like most Hispanics, we treat it like another birthday. I want my kids to get to enjoy that fun part of my heritage.

Beyond those two rules, it's open season. Frank and I have been a bit chagrined to discover that we have pretty different taste in names. I tend to love Spanish and Italian names while he prefers English and Irish. His favorite names in the world—Olivia and Sophia—are both ruled out by Rule #1, while he doesn't like my favorite boy name, Dominic (I mean seriously, how awesome does Dom Barber sound??). We both like names that are classic and old-fashioned but not stuffy. Names that are a little off-the-beaten-path but not odd.

With all this in mind, we compared the handful of names we both liked (and it's a tiny handful), and settled on a boy name and a girl name pretty early in the pregnancy. Of course, we still might change our minds once we meet this little one, but for now we've made up our minds.

How do you pick your baby names? Do you have any rules you follow? Of if you haven't named a baby yet, what names are you saving up for someday when you have a little person to name? Do tell!

Linking up with the always fabulous Team Whitaker

The magic of baby kicks

Matching for Valentine's Day

It is not easy, as I once assumed, to feel a baby kicking in the womb. Babies are unpredictable little creatures and they do as they please, even before they are born.

My pregnancy apps told me I would be able to start feeling the baby move when I was around 18 weeks pregnant. But at 20 weeks, I still hadn't felt any definite movement.

I wasn't too worried but I still made sure to ask my doctor about it at my appointment that week. He explained that I have an anterior placenta—the placenta attached to the front of my womb instead of to the back as happens in most pregnancies. "The placenta is acting as a cushion between you and the baby," he said. "That's why you haven't felt any movement. But don't worry. You will."

Sure enough, that Sunday night I was reading in my living-room rocking chair when I felt a most unfamiliar sensation. It was like little bubbles inside of me, gentle tapping from a small but energetic occupant. It turns out that having a tiny person move around inside you feels exactly the way you'd expect it would.

"Frank!" I exclaimed. "I think I feel the baby moving!"

I sat still, my eyes taking on the far-away look that has become so familiar to my family and friends in recent months, as I listened patiently for something deep inside of me.

Finally I concluded, "It was either that or gas. But I'm pretty sure it was the baby."

Frank thought that was the funniest thing he'd ever heard, but I was excited. A new era in my pregnancy had begun.

After that I began to notice movement more often. I especially noticed it at my little sister's Christmas concert, when the baby didn't stop moving for a second. This little one seems to love hearing people sing.

I wanted Frank to be able to feel the baby too, so I looked up online when people besides the mother would be able to feel movement. Most internet sources said that as soon as the mom can feel the baby kick, other people should be able to, too.

We tried a few times—the classic "Honey, come quick and put your hand right here, the baby's kicking!"—but with no success. Finally, one morning when we were staying at Frank's parents' house in New Jersey, he was able to feel something.

"That's it?" he said in surprise. "That… pulse feeling?"

I nodded, amused at his response and thrilled that someone besides me had felt it. Then I was too excited to go back to sleep, even though it was around 7:00 a.m.

After that I thought it would be easy for him, and anyone else who wanted to, to feel the baby kicking. How wrong I was. Feeling a baby kicking is a lot like fishing. You have to be in the right place at the right time, you have to be very patient, and even then you might come home empty-handed. The baby moves where and when it wants to, and no amount of coaxing or prodding will make it move in a more convenient manner.

Dozens of times I've told Frank, or my mom or sisters or friends, "The baby is moving now!" They come and dutifully put their hand where I tell them, and then the little one decides to kick too gently or kick somewhere else or just stop kicking altogether. We joke that the baby is being ornery, but really it's just being a baby.

The other night I felt a lot of activity, so I encouraged Frank to try and feel it, but he couldn't feel a thing. We've unfortunately gotten used to these attempts being unsuccessful. I sighed as Frank gave up, keeping his arm around me but no longer pressing his hand hopefully against my belly.

Then the baby gave a strong, forceful kick—one of the strongest yet, the kind we jokingly call a "rib cracker"—right into Frank's arm.

He started in surprise. "Was that the baby?!"

"Yes," I said. "He wanted your attention!"*

Frank put back his hand and felt the little one squirm and wriggle under his touch, pushing against the pressure of his father's hand. There was no need for me to direct Frank where to touch or to narrate the baby's actions. Frank could feel everything for himself.

I marveled as the baby pushed his little self against Frank's hand through the pliable wall of my stomach. For the first time they were experiencing each other, getting to know each other, on their own—without need of my help or intervention.

As Frank and the baby had their moment, almost as if I weren't there, I cheered inside. My imagination ran away with me and I thought about how this is just the first of countless moments those two will share over a lifetime. I pictured them having so much fun together, embarking on adventures and having good conversations and just enjoying the heck out of each other's company.

And I was glad that, just this once, our unpredictable little baby decided to kick in the right place at the right time.


*We don't know if the baby is a boy or a girl so we use "he" as a gender-neutral pronoun.

The policy of adaptive response

When Frank and I drove to New Jersey over the holidays to visit his family, we took advantage of our time in the car to talk over some big topics for the future. You guys know how much I love those introspective, life-lesson-filled conversations, and Frank is a good sport and puts up with it when I come along on road trips with lists like this one.

We talked over how we might handle things like childcare and discipline and our kids' education. To each of these topics, I found myself coming to a similar conclusion:

"Well, I guess we'll have to see what things are like when we get there, and decide on a child-by-child basis."

Finally Frank said, "So basically, our plan is to make it up as we go along?"

"No no," I said. "That sounds terrible. We can't say we're just going to make it up as we go along. What kind of parenting philosophy is that?"

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that's kind of what we plan to do. We are interested in a lot of parenting strategies, everything from Montessori education to using cloth diapers. But we can't say for sure that we're going to do any of those things until we get there, since we don't yet know our baby's personality or what twists and turns our lives might take.

"I have a better idea," I said after thinking it over. "We're going to practice a policy of adaptive response."

"A what?"

"We'll respond to each situation as it arises, and if something doesn't work, we'll change our response and try something else," I said.

Frank laughed. "Trust you to come up with a really fancy name for something so simple. Ok, we can do it. We can say our parenting policy is 'adaptive response.'"

I couldn't stop grinning. What a perfect way to describe "making it up as we go along."

So now Frank and I have our official, fancy-sounding plan. Do you (or your parents) have an official parenting philosophy? Would you say you follow the "adaptive response" strategy too?

5 Favorites: Pregnancy Edition!

This week I've been gushing to friends and family about some favorite items that have been lifesavers this pregnancy. I thought you might enjoy hearing about them too!

*Note: Male readers may wish to skip this post.

Switching to the midwives

My walk to work most days

 Well folks, I've done it. Last week I switched from my ob/gyn to a midwife practice.

I should start off by saying that these midwives deliver in a hospital, in birthing suites on a traditional labor and delivery ward. They are all registered nurses with extensive medical experience, they can perform minor surgery, and the ob/gyn is on call 24/7 in case of an emergency. The birthing suites are right by the operating rooms. I tell you all that so you don't do like my parents did and freak out. It's going to be very safe for me and baby.

It was honestly a little heartbreaking to leave the ob/gyn practice. The two doctors are these amazing, pro-life, Catholic men. They have 17 kids between them. They are warm and attentive, and I loved every visit with them. On top of that, just about everyone in their office knows my family, from the nurse with whom I went to grade school to the receptionist whose kids are friends with my sisters. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming whenever I came in.

Given that wonderful environment, you may wonder, why on earth did I switch to the midwives?

I started reading about natural birth before I got pregnant... possibly even before I got married. I really loved Ina May Gaskin's book and the movie The Business of Being Born. I continued reading and studying once I found out I was expecting—many thanks to Sarah for recommending another great book, Your Best Birth. I devoured articles like this and birth stories that spoke to the potential for an empowering childbirth. Based on everything I learned, I decided I wanted to try for a natural, intervention-free childbirth. Now, I know these things are always outside our control; every birth plan is subject to uncontrollable circumstances; I know that what matters most is a healthy mom and baby. But I wanted to at least give natural birth a shot.

Given all this background, I decided the best approach would be to visit the hospital where my ob/gyns deliver and see what it was like. Frank and I took a tour back in December. I was the least-pregnant lady there, and after the tour Frank and I stuck around for an extra 45 minutes grilling the nurses. We were those people. But what we learned was really helpful.

The hospital had a lot to recommend it. The nurses encourage the infants' rooming-in and skin-to-skin contact after birth, two things that really matter to me. They also assured me that all the nurses are trained in a bunch of different techniques for natural pain relief. But on the other hand, when I asked about their c-section rate, the nurse said, "Our c-section rate is consistent with the national average; it's around 30%." Urgh. Then I asked, "How many women would you estimate have a completely natural childbirth?" The nurse said, "Well, lots of women go natural, but of course we give them a little narcotic toward the end." "No, no," I said, "I mean completely natural. No drugs at all." The nurse looked confused and said, "Um... maybe 2%? That doesn't happen very often." They also thought it was "cute" and a little amusing that I had a birth plan. Those responses were red flags for me.

So my next step was to set up an appointment with the midwives. I found this midwife practice online, through a simple Google search. They offer free consultation visits, so one evening last week Frank and I went in to chat with them. The midwives offer the option of a water birth, something I'm interested in trying. I asked the midwife we met to explain the policies and philosophy of their practice, and after she was done, Frank and I agreed it was exactly what we were looking for. What really clinched the deal was when I asked her about their patients' c-section rate. "Fewer than 8% of our patients end up getting c-sections," she said. Those numbers say a lot. 8% vs. 30% odds of major surgery? I was sold. The next day I called my insurance company to make the switch.

When I spoke to my insurance company, I learned that they don't allow changes in prenatal health care providers after 27 weeks. Good thing I called just in time! I also found out from the midwife that their practice doesn't always accept patients who come in after 28 weeks; at that point they have a meeting to decide whether they can take on another patient in addition to their existing load. Luckily I made the cut-off for both those things, but they're good to know for the future.

I'm so excited about the switch. I feel incredibly happy, calm and peaceful knowing that I'll be having my baby in an environment that supports what I'm trying to do, and that also has safe back-up options in case things don't go according to plan. As sad as I was to leave my great ob/gyn, this decision wasn't hard at all. Now, as my friends keep reminding me, I will have to let you know how I feel about it all after I actually give birth.